Battousai of the Teahouse
by Akai Kitsune
Summary: A parody crossover fic; it's the Phantom of the Opera - Rurouni Kenshin style! When two new managers purchase the Aoiya Teahouse in Kyoto, they gain a lot more chaos than they bargained for...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~

Note: Yes, this is for real, *_grin_* This is going to be a bit of an omake parody. Thus, alternate pairings and OOC will run amuck throughout the story. I'll try to keep it as close to the original as possible (as far as which characters suit which roles) but sometimes it'll be off, and I can't really help that. So keep an open mind as you read, and hopefully you'll have as much fun with it as I am!

I will post a cast list at the end of each chapter, in case you get a bit lost.

Many thanks to Lee-san, who is helping me with each chapter, as I have never actually seen the performance, only heard it, ^_^ I hope that won't affect the writing too much...

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Prologue

_(The stage of the Kyoto Teahouse,1929)_

~*~

_(The contents of the teahouse are being sold off. Hiko stands before a podium, flanked by Soujirou and Okita. Around them are a group of bidders, in which Sanosuke is visible, old and slumped over in his chair. He is snoring quietly in the back row.)_

_(Hiko taps his sword against the floor for attention)_

Hiko: Sold! Your number, there. No, I'm not saying thank you. You should be thanking me; I'm letting you off with such an easy price.

_(Soujirou whispers quietly [and quite anxiously] in his ear)_

Hiko *_scowling_*: Don't tell me how to do my job. No one can do this better than me, you know! *_turns back to the next item, which Okita is displaying_* Item 663: A painting, done by that famous Tsunan fellow, for the production of "Takasugi", by Jinei.

Okita *_smiling far too pleasantly_*: Showing here.

Hiko *_glaring at him_*: Stop smiling like that, both of you. You'll frighten away all these unworthy customers. *_looks back at the bidders, noticing two girls in the back waving at him_* I'm sorry ladies, but_ I _ am not up for auction. Do I have six yen for the painting? Yes, ladies, the painting. *_silence_* I'll sign it for you. *_the girls wave their hands frantically_* Better. Do I have seven? ... hey, what is that idiot doing?

Sano *_coming awake with a start, as a sword saya suddenly slams down on his head_*: HEY! What the he-?

Hiko *_standing over him, scowling_*: You missed your cue. Idiot. Do I have seven?

Sano *_blinking, then raises a fishbone to the air_*: Yeah, here.

Hiko *_smirking slightly_*: _Much_ better. Eight? Ladies? *_the girls are silent and disappointed, digging through their purses without much luck_* Sold! To Sagara Sanosuke, Daimyo of Sekihoutai. *_the painting is handed over to Sano, who swats Hiko away when he tries to sign it. Hiko shrugs uncaringly and returns to his place up front_*

_(Okita displays the next item.)_

Hiko: Item 664, a broken shinai and three sticks of dynamite from the 1878 production, "Hannya no Oni", by Houji. Ten yen for this item. *_someone puts up their hand_* Ten, it's about time. Ten, it's bid... fifteen? Even better. Nobody else? Good, that play was terribly melodramatic anyway. Although the heroic ending was quite magnificent. Going at fifteen, then. Let's see the number, already.

_(The next item is displayed by Okita, still smiling.)_

Hiko: ... what did I tell you about that smile? *_Okita places the item in front of his face_* ... Good enough. All right you people, listen up, because this is some sort of crucial plot device. Item 665, a bamboo musical box, in the shape of a piano. *_someone raises his hand_* Yes, I did say piano. Are you saying I'm wrong?! *_the hand goes down_* I thought so. Attached, a rice-paper fan with the painted image of a shadowed swordsman. The signature is unreadable. Atrocious writing, really. It was found in one of the passageways of the building, and the damn thing still plays its miserable music.

_(Soujirou lifts the lid, and the Kamiya dojo theme begins to play.)_

Hiko: God, I'm sick of that song. Starting at two yen. I'm dying to get rid of this. *_Sano raises his hand somewhat frantically_* Thank you! Sold! *_there is a murmur of discontent, banished by Hiko's glare. The box is handed over to Sano_* No music is any good unless it's MY theme. Get it straight!

Sano *_cradling the box in his hands. Quietly, he begins to sing to himself_*:  
A collector's piece, indeed...  
Every detail, just as bad as she told...

_*looking at the fan*_

She often mentioned this old junk,  
Its faded colour, and the kanji far too bold...

It still plays?  
The guy's right; no wonder it was sold.

*_silence_*

Sano: What? You think I'm gonna get all teary-eyed on you? Can I have my role changed? *_he winces, as Hiko's sword thwacks against his head again_* OUCH!

Hiko: I told you to pay attention! Item 666 - rather morbid number there - A giant oil lantern in pieces. You ought to know about that stupid legend of the Battousai of the Teahouse. Stupid? Of course! Any chaos that didn't revolve around me would never be nearly as exciting enough.

Sano *_muttering_*: NOW who isn't following the script?

Hiko: I can make this production very painful for you, you know.

Sano: Okay, okay!

Hiko: Ahem. Thank you. According to our sources, this lantern is the same as the one that idiot of the Teahouse ruined. It's been restored - idiot is right, he can't even break things correctly - and it has been set up with some of those Western contraptions... lightbulbs, I believe (and I'm never wrong). Perhaps we will... we will... I'm not saying this line.

*_silence_*

Hiko: I'm not. It's pathetic.

*_sound of feet tapping_*

Hiko *_grumbling; barely opens his mouth and mutters_*: PerhapswemayfrightenawaytheghostofsomanyyearsagowithalittleilluminationTHERE! I said it. Bid, fools! *_taps his sword against the floor with quite a bit of vehemence_*

(The lantern flares to life, and the Kamiya dojo theme plays louder in the background. The teahouse's pathetic condition is restored, and the stage is cleared. The lantern, still glowing brightly, rises gradually to the ceiling...)

~*~

End of Prologue

~*~

So? How goes it? ^_^

Note: The Teahouse within the story is actually a performance center, with talented geisha who are trained to entertain visitors through dance, music, theater... etc. This is not a... er... night-time teahouse, shall we say; this is to preserve the dignity of our main ladies, ^_^;; So, suffice to say, it is a theater like any other, without any additional attractions that a teahouse might have... and notice I say might!

Cast List (so far):

Auctioneer: Hiko  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Porters: Soujirou/Okita

~*~

More coming soon... I hope!


	2. Act I, Scene i Part 1: Rehearsals

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 1 _(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

Part 1: Rehearsals

~*~

_(It is the rehearsal of the scene in which Takasugi and his army arrive in Kyoto in time to save the already battered troups from the Shinsengumi. Takasugi Shinsaku is played by Kanryuu; Uno, his mistress, is played by Megumi, dressed in an elegant kimono and carrying swords. Her attendants/maids are played by two geisha girls, Misao and Kaoru. Tomoe, standing offstage, is the dance director.)_  
  
_(Megumi moves forward, raising the swords as well as her voice.)_  
  
Megumi:  
This trophy from our saviours, from the  
enslaving force of Shogun!  
  
_(Chou carries a ladder across the stage, as Fuji and Anji construct other parts of the stage.)_  
  
_(Misao, Kaoru, and a group of other girls including Okon, Omasu, Tsubame, and... Kamatari? begin to sing, acting out an elegant dance across the stage.)_  
  
Girls:  
With feasting and dancing and song,  
Tonight with celebration  
We greet the victorious throng,  
Returned to bring salvation!  
  
_(A group of men march out, dressed in samurai armour; among them are Beshimi, Hyottoko, Hannya, and Shikijou.)_  
  
Men:  
The sounds of the Shogun resound!  
Hear them whine and wail and tremble!  
Toss all their swords on the ground!  
  
All:  
Here Taka... sugi comes!  
  
_(There is a brief pause among the singers as they contemplate the line... then Kanryuu enters, dressed in samurai armour and wearing daisho.)_  
  
Kanryuu *_eyeing them all in not-entirely-mocking disdain_*:  
Sad to return to find the land we love  
Threatened once more by Yoshu's far-reaching grasp.  
  
_(Saitou, the music director, scowls and lights a cigarette, waving it at them all.)_  
  
Saitou: Stop there. Yosh-I. As in, Yoshinobu. Get it straight, ahou.  
  
Kanryuu *_turning his gaze on Saitou, who doesn't react in the slightest_*: Hai, hai. Difficult to get these names, you know. It was quite a few years ago.  
  
_(Enter Okina, the retiring manager of the Teahouse, with Shishio and Aoshi, to whom he has sold it.)_  
  
Saitou *_to Kanryuu_*: I was there, you fool. Now do it again, "Sad to return..." with Yosh-I. Got that?  
  
Okina *_to the new managers_*: This way, gentlemen. As you both can see, they're rehearsing for the newest production of Jinei's "Takasugi".  
  
_(He moves upstage, seeing that the rehearsal has slowed down a bit, and raises his voice to the cast.)  
_  
Okina: Ahem. If all of you could pay attention, I'd like to introduce - if you haven't met them already - Shinomori Aoshi -  
  
_(Misao waves frantically from the back, earning a slight glimmer of a blush cross Aoshi's face. She is quickly swatted by Tomoe's umbrella.)  
_  
Okina *_continuing with a slight roll of his eyes as Misao rubs her head bashfully_*: - and Shishio Makoto.  
  
Saitou *_flicking some of the cigarette ashes in Okina's direction_*: We're in the middle of a rehearsal, you know. Go find something else to do until we're finished.  
  
Okina *_raising an eyebrow at him_*: ... Of course. I wouldn't dream of interrupting.  
  
Saitou: Is it too much to ask for a little working intelligence, here? *_turning back to Kanryuu_* Do it again, I said. "Sad to return..."  
  
Okina *_looking at Aoshi and Shishio_*: That would be Saitou, our chief repetiteur. He's quite the wolf, I'm afraid. An evil temper, really.  
  
Kanryuu:  
Sad to return to find the land we love  
Threatened once more by Yosh-I's far-reaching grasp.  
  
Saitou *_muttering_*: Ahou.  
  
Kanryuu *_scowling at the lack of support_*:  
Tomorrow we shall break  
The Shogun's chains  
Tonight; rejoice - we'll cause  
Lots of pain!  
  
_(The dance begins, and the girls - and Kamatari - move across the stage, as Shishio and Aoshi, who are in the way, watch.)  
_  
Okina *_pointing to Kanryuu_*: Kanryuu, our principal tenor. He has a rather odd fetish for Megumi *_waving his hand towards Megumi_* but he's not bad at singing.  
  
_(Tomoe tiptoes over to Okina and the managers, then thwacks Okina over the head with her umbrella. All three whirl around, but she has returned to her usual calm, composed self, staring impassively.)  
_  
Tomoe: Excuse me, but your placement is currently giving our dance a disadvantage. If you could kindly move aside, it would go much smoother.  
  
Okina *_eyes shining at the sight of a pretty girl_*: At once, Tomoe-san! *_he is dragged aside by Shishio and Aoshi, who are tired of his leery look_* Ah, and that would be the lovely Tomoe, our dance instructor. I'm sorry to say, but as nice as this place is, I can't wait to be free of it.  
  
Shishio *_slightly suspicious_*: So why are you selling it, old man?  
  
Okina *_grinning_*: Well, it's certainly not because I don't like watching the girls! Speaking of which, we're famous for the quality of our dances.  
  
_(Misao becomes the main figure of the dance, waving a fan flirtatiously towards the managers.)  
_  
Aoshi *_sweatdrops_*: Who is that girl, Okina-san? She looks familiar...  
  
Okina: I'm shocked you even have to ask. My granddaughter, Misao. She's very promising. *_eyes twinkling_* She seems to have caught your eye, hasn't she?  
  
Aoshi *_sweatdrops again_*: .....  
  
_(Kaoru moves a little bit out of the dance, staring ahead with a vague smile on her face. Tomoe taps her umbrella against the floor.)  
_  
Tomoe: Kamiya Kaoru. Pay attention, please.  
  
Misao *_as she passes a now-flustered Kaoru in the dance_*: Kaoru-san, what's the matter?  
  
Shishio *_raising an eyebrow at Okina_*: Flaky looking woman. Is she related, too?  
  
Okina: Oh, no. Misao-chan is far too beautiful for that. *_he earns a sharp glare from Kaoru_* Her father was a rather famous player of the shamisen. She, however, has her head in the clouds far too often.  
  
_(The dance reaches its end, and the the new managers nod in approval. Well, Aoshi nods. Shishio grunts.)  
_  
Chorus:  
Bid welcome to Shinsaku's guests -  
The dragons of Kyoto!  
As guides of our conquering quests,  
Katsura sends  
Shinsaku's friends!  
  
_(... Silence.)  
_  
Chou *_nudges Fuji_*: Wasn't that your cue?  
  
Fuji: *_grunts_*  
  
_(Fuji trudges over, looking somewhat bored, and picks up Kanryuu.)  
_  
Kanryuu *_protesting_*: Hey! Easy on the armour!  
  
_(Saitou buries his face in his hands... somehow managing to avoid getting burnt.)  
_  
Megumi: Ahem! May we continue? *_silence_* Thank you.  
Once more to my *_cough_*  
Welcoming arms  
My love returns  
In splendour!  
  
Kanryuu:  
Once more to those  
Sweetest of charms  
My heart and soul  
Surrender!  
  
Chorus:  
The welcoming war-dragons sound  
Hear Shoguns, now and tremble!  
Hark to their step on the ground  
Hear the drums  
Shinsaku comes!  
  
Kanryuu: ... Since when did you start calling me by my first name?  
  
_(Okina suddenly claps his hands for attention. Fuji happily drops Kanryuu to the floor and follows his fellow stagehands off to have a drink.)  
_  
Okina: Ladies and gentlemen - ah, and Mr. Saitou as well *_Saitou smokes with a slightly wolfish smirk on his face, unruffled_* - listen up for a moment, please. I'm retiring. Yes, it's true, and you can't talk me out of it, so don't even try. *_silence_* Well... you can a little, if you want, but I assure you it won't work! *_silence_* No, really. Go ahead an argue. I promise to listen to your pleas. *_crickets chirp in the background_*  
  
Shishio *_getting bored_*: What a lively crew. Tell me, do they also juggle mochi with their toes?  
  
Aoshi: ....  
  
Okina: Fine. *_sighs_* Not even my pretty Misao...  
  
Misao *_burning red_*: Jiya!  
  
Okina: Ahem! I'd like to introduce the new managers of the Aoiya, Shinomori Aoshi, and... that other fellow.  
  
Shishio: My, how polite. I can see why _you're_ not the juggler.  
  
_(Kamatari waves a fan flirtatiously at Shishio, who raised an eyebrow and shrugs.)  
_  
Aoshi: ....  
  
Megumi *_eyeing them both_*: Well, I suppose you're an improvement from that dirty old man.  
  
Okina: ... and this pleasant young lady *_cough_* is Miss Takani Megumi, our leading soprano for five years. Even though her voice leaves much to be des- *_halts, as Megumi twists his arm slightly out of joint_* I-i-iiiiite!  
  
Megumi: A pleasure, gentlemen.  
  
Okina *_choking_*: She's also a rather vengeful woman...  
  
Aoshi: It is an honour, Miss Takani. I have seen you perform.  
  
Okina *_recovering_*: And of course, Takeda Kanryuu. He's a... a... hm, how shall I say...  
  
Shishio *_smirking_*: Slightly evil psycho? We'll get along just fine.  
  
Aoshi: .... (I'll be doing that a lot, won't I?) According to my past knowledge of the script and its contents, Uno has a lengthy solo to herself, in Act 3. I'd rather like to hear it personally, if it does not bother you or interrupt your practice.  
  
Megumi *_smiling brightly_*: Oh, certainly, Shinomori-san. Saitou?  
  
_(Saitou nods briefly to one of the musicians, who begins to play the piano.)  
_  
Megumi:  
Think of me, think of me fondly,  
When we've said  
Goodbye.  
Remember me  
Every so often -  
Promise me  
You'll try.  
  
When you find  
That once again,  
You long  
To take your heart -  
  
_(As Megumi sings, a shoji from behind her is knocked rather violently to pieces, as an oil lantern falls from the ceiling.)  
_  
Misao/Chorus Girls *_singing rather morbidly_*:  
He's here,  
Battousai of the Teahouse...  
He is with us...  
It's the ghost...  
  
_(A few of the stagehands curse loudly and stomp out the fire, while Kanryuu rushes over to a startled Megumi's side.)  
_  
Kanryuu: Bunch of idiots! Megumi, are you all right, darling?  
  
_(Megumi swats his hands away, scowling.)  
_  
Okina *_looking around_*: Wait, where has Enishi disappeared to?!  
  
Kanryuu: Who cares about that old sod? Megumi-chan could have been seriously hurt!  
  
Megumi *_snapping_*: And just whose "-chan" am I?!  
  
Okina: Get that man out of there, already! ENISHI! *_turns to the new managers_* He's pulling stuff like this all the time. *_laughs nervously_*  
  
_(A folded shoji is moved aside to reveal Enishi, inspecting a length of invisible thread.)  
_  
Okina: Enishi! What on earth-?  
  
Enishi: Don't look at me. *_scowls fiercely at Kanryuu_* And just who is this "old sod", you little insect... *_turning back to Okina_* Probably the lamp fell to drown out her lousy singing. *_turns his glare to Megumi, who returns it angrily_*  
  
Misao: Here's there; Battousai of the Teahouse...  
  
Okina: My angel Misao is not being so angelic.  
  
Misao *_warningly_*: Jiya...  
  
Aoshi: If this sort of thing happens often -  
  
Megumi *_interrupting angrily_*: Yes, they certainly _do_ happen often! And until it's stopped, I'm not going to be singing for anyone! *_she storms out, followed quickly by the infatuated Kanryuu_*  
  
*_silence_*  
  
Okina *_suddenly cheerful_*: Well, gentlemen, it looks like everything's under control now. I'll be off in Hokkaido having a nice vacation in the hot springs, if you need me. Ciao! *_waves and disappears_*  
  
_(The rest of the cast and crew look expectantly at the two new managers.)  
_  
Shishio: Well, don't look at me.  
  
Aoshi: I'm certain that Miss Megumi will return shortly.  
  
Tomoe *_holding up a piece of paper_*: I highly doubt that. A carrier pigeon just delivered this, sirs, and it is addressed to you, from the Teahouse Ghost.  
  
_(The dancers shift uncomfortably, giving each other nervous glances.)  
_  
Shishio: What a bunch of idiots they are! What's so frightening?!  
  
Tomoe *_ignoring him_*: It is simply a welcome to his teahouse. He asks only that you leave Table 5 empty during performances, and wishes to remind you that his salary is due.  
  
Shishio: His _what_?  
  
Tomoe: Okina-san paid him 300 yen a month. Perhaps you can afford more, now that the Daimyo of the Sekihoutai is your patron.  
  
_(The dancers gasp in surprise; Kaoru grabs hold of Misao in a shaking hug.)  
_  
Misao *_teeth clicking together_*: Ka-Kaoru-san... ca-can you stop shaking m-me...  
  
Aoshi: .... (To Shishio) We were supposed to make that announcement.  
  
Tomoe *_STILL ignoring them_*: He is attending the performance today, is he not?  
  
Shishio: In our corner. *_muttering_* Unfortunately.  
  
Aoshi: And there is an understudy, correct?  
  
Saitou *_smoking his cigarette non-chalently_*: None whatsoever. Our former manager never thought to arrange such requirements, despite my intelligent suggestions.  
  
Misao *_blurting_*: Kaoru-san could do it!  
  
(Kaoru blushes madly and claps a hand over her mouth.)  
  
Shishio *_raising an eyebrow_*: The flaky girl?  
  
_(Kaoru's embarrassment dissolves into anger, and she is barely restrained by Misao - until they are both whacked by Tomoe's umbrella.)  
_  
Misao *_between grunts of holding Kaoru back_*: Let her sing it, because (oof!) even though she's got a nasty temper (ouch! That was my foot!) her voice is much nicer than that old fox-lady. Plus, she has a great new sensei!  
  
Aoshi: ... who would that be?  
  
_(Kaoru puts her hand over Misao's mouth again.)  
_  
Kaoru *_stammering_*: Don't know what she's talking about, Shinomori-san...  
  
Shishio: I told you! Flaky and useless!  
  
_(Kaoru turns red again, stepping forward.)  
_  
Shishio *_continuing without notice_*: This is pathetic. I knew this was a mistake, putting al our money into this. Houji said, buy the ship, buy the Rengoku, the transport could get us filthy rich, but noooo, you had to buy the teahouse so you could flirt with your precious -  
  
Aoshi: Let's not go into detail, if you please. For now, we'll simply have to cancel the production for tonight.  
  
Tomoe *_tapping her umbrella on the floor to get attention_*: If you recall, sirs, we did say that Kamiya Kaoru could sing it.  
  
Saitou *_taking charge, ignoring Shishio and Aoshi's skepticism_*: Stop squabbling, girl, and start from the solo.  
  
_(Kaoru shakes off Misao and, sending a sharp glare towards Shishio, prepares for her cue to begin the song.)_

~*~

End of Part 1: Rehearsals

~*~

Sorry to cut it off there! It was getting lengthy, though, and I thought it would be a good spot, ^_^

A few things you might wonder about:

Yes, I have broken up Sano/Megumi, and have made it a Sano/Kaoru pairing. Why? I wanted to see Battousai and Sano fighting over her, *grin* And not to mention the fact that they (or rather, their voice actor(ess)s can actually sing. Megumi's seiyuu... is not very good at it. I wasn't too impressed with Carlotta, myself.

The history of "Takasugi" in the place of "Hannibal" was fun, but hard to write. I get the feeling this will get more difficult as the story progresses... *sigh* Oh well. No one said it would be easy! ^_^;;

Tomoe: I'm really praying my beta-reader won't kill me, *sweatdrop* I love Tomoe, but she wasn't really appropriate for many roles... this one, I thought, would fit, since she is generally described as a graceful, elegant character. Very suitable for a dance instructor, ^_^ Enishi was cast because of the relationship between the two (Mme. Giry is generally offering cautious advice to Buquet, who doesn't listen very well...). Plus... well, you'll see, ^_~

Battousai's salary: 300 yen seems like nothing right now, but back then it would have been, as far as I know, pretty pricy, or at least a reasonable amount. If anyone knows better, please correct me, ^_^

Cast Last:

Christine: Kaoru  
Carlotta: Megumi  
Meg: Misao  
Piangi: Kanryuu  
Reyer: Saitou  
Mme. Giry: Tomoe  
Lefevre: Okina  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi  
Buquet: Enishi

And of course the minor list:

Elephant (in "Hannibal")/Stagehand: Fuji  
Stagehands: Chou, Anji  
Chorus girls: Okon, Omasu, Tsubame, Kamatari  
Chorus... er... boys: The Oniwabanshuu

_Reviewer Responses:_

**Kaiphantom**: Ah, arigato! ^_^ I wanted to do a blend, because otherwise there's no point in doing the crossover... but thank you, again!

**April-san**: Well, this is my first attempt at an actual comedy fic, so I'm hoping that the humour will be consistent, ^_^;; otherwise... well... you know. As for Soujirou and Okita, my apologies to them ahead of time; they probably won't come up again. Sorry! :(

**PhoenixMageFire**: That's my intention! ^_^

**Gochan**: Ooh, I had so much trouble with Hiko's role! I at first pictured him as Buquet, because he's the one who figures everything out... but then he's the first victim, -_- and we can't have the great Hiko-sama getting offed by his baka deshi, *grin* So that had to change. I have a few friends who don't like Enishi, and thus will enjoy this, ^_^ Apologies to those who do, ahead of time...

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	3. Act I, Scene i Part 2: Think of Me

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 1 _(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

Part 2: Think of Me

~*~

_(Still at reheasal, Saitou cues the musicians to play the intro. Kaoru stands nervously in the center of the stage, waiting for the right timing to begin her song...)_  
  
Kaoru:  
Think of me, think of me fondly,  
When we've said  
Goodbye.  
Remember me  
Every so often -  
Promise me  
You'll try.  
  
Shishio *_muttering_*: Not bad, but do we really have to depend on this twit?  
  
Aoshi: .... Let the pebble fall where it falls.  
  
Shishio: ... the hell...?  
  
Kaoru *_ignoring them with an irritated twitch of the eyebrow_*:  
When you find  
That, once again,  
You long  
To take your heart back  
And be free -  
If you ever find   
A moment,  
Spare a thought  
For me...  
  
_(Around her, the scene suddenly changes; the teahouse is filled with patrons at each table, waving yen notes and waiting impatiently for the show. Kaoru, still on stage and now in her formal geisha kimono, is no longer as nervous, and continues her song.)_  
  
Kaoru:  
We never said  
Our love was evergreen,  
Or as unchanging  
As the sea -  
But if you can still  
Remember  
Stop and think  
Of me...  
  
Think of August  
When the trees were green -  
Don't think about the way  
Things might have been...  
  
Think of me,  
Think of me waking,  
Silent and resigned.  
  
Imagine me,  
Trying too hard  
To put you  
From my mind.  
  
Recall those days  
Look back on all those times,  
Think of the things  
We'll never do -  
There will never be  
A day, when  
I won't think  
Of you...  
  
_(Among the cheering patrons is Sano, at one of the front tables, grinning widely as he watches Kaoru's performance.)_  
  
Sano:  
Can it be...  
Can it be Kaoru? Dance, baby!  
  
_(Kaoru blushes onstage.)_  
  
Sano *_waving several yen_*:  
Long ago, wasn't it years ago?  
Since the war, how all our time flew,  
  
If she don't remember me,  
Then I'll remind her who...  
  
Kaoru *_not noticing him_*:  
Jasmine scent  
The plums of summer die  
They have their time, and so do we  
But please promise me that sometimes  
You will think of me!  
  
_(The lanterns are blown out one by one, and the room fades into darkness, leaving only the cheers of the thrilled crowd. The performers disappear from the stage, and a shadow stands quickly from a corner table and vanishes into the halls.)_

~*~

End of Scene 1

~*~

Ah, sorry that was so short! But that's how it goes, ^_^ I wanted to split up the crucial scenes this way... it will probably continue in this manner. Gomen!  
  
Apologies again for the lack of changes in the song. To be honest, I didn't really _want_ to change it, because it's so pretty... *sigh* But you'll notice that the ending does have significant alterations, ^_^  
  
And yes - _he's_ coming... soon... *grin*  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Reyer: Saitou  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi

_Reviewer Responses:_

**blue jeans**: Ah, thank you, ^_^ I hope you won't mind the slow pace at which I'll be writing this one. I'll try my best... but I think I have to many on-going fics, really... oi...  
  
**Vesca**: Well, I'm surprised at how quickly the chapters are coming with this one... but I love Phantom too, so maybe that's why, ^_^ If my beta-reader was a bit more cooperative maybe I'd update faster! *grin*  
  
**Gochan**: Hehe, I liked that line too. *sigh* Poor, poor Enishi. We shall miss him... I guess. *grin* Thanks for the review!  
  
**eve of mirkwood**: Thanks. I hope it continues as such...  
  
**Kaiphantom**: He's coming, I promise... soon... ^_^

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	4. Act I, Scene ii: The Tenshi n'Ongaku

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 2 _(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

The Tenshi n'Ongaku

~*~

_(Backstage, the dancers gather around Kaoru, who is flushed and pleased, holding a bouquet of chrysanthemums. From the corner, Saitou leans against a bench, smoking, and gives her a quick nod. The girls laugh and compliment her, until Tomoe arrives silently behind them and thwacks Misao with her umbrella. By the time they all turn to look at her, Misao rubbing her head sorely, Tomoe is staring impassively again, the umbrella rested against the floor.)_  
  
Tomoe: It sounded lovely. The dance was terrible. We're going to practice right now.  
  
_(The girls groan in disappointment, but begin their practice as Kaoru moves away, sniffing her flowers absently. She heads down the hall, still listening to the fading cheers, and enters her dressing room. Misao, catching sight of her, manages to sneak out of the dance and follows her.)  
  
(A sudden voice breaks the silence on the dressing room, low, enticing, and slightly husky with pride.)_  
  
Voice:  
Shuugi... shuugi... shuugi, koishii...  
  
_(Kaoru whirls around in surprise, seeing no one. She is puzzled for a long moment, and suddenly Misao jumps on her, and she barely withholds her shriek.)_  
  
Misao *_grinning sheepishly_*:  
Where in chikyuu have you been hiding?  
Kaoru, that was perfect!  
Wish it was me... I saw him swooning...  
Who is your new teacher?  
  
Kaoru *_smiling slightly and moving away, putting the flowers in a clay pot by the mirror_*:  
Tousan once mentioned a "tenshi",  
I always wished he was near...  
But when I sing, I can sense him,  
And I know he's here...  
  
_(She moves further away, twirling a little. Misao raises her eyebrow, following in confusion.)_  
  
Kaoru:  
In the teahouse,  
I hear him calling.  
Surely he's been  
Watching...  
  
Somehow I know  
He's always with me...  
Unless I'm changing...  
... ecchi!  
  
Misao *_sweatdrop_*: That was really weird, Kaoru-san...  
  
Kaoru: Ah, gomen...  
  
Misao *_shaking her head_*: Baka! You're supposed to be in a trance! You're not listening to me, remember?  
  
_(Kaoru ignores her.)_  
  
Misao: Hey! Did you hear what I said?! KAORU!  
  
_(A sandbag suddenly falls from the ceiling, narrowly missing Misao's head, who shrieks. She glares at the ceiling accusingly, where someone innocently whistles.)_  
  
Misao *_muttering_*: Okay, okay, I get the idea. Ahem.  
I watched your face in the shadows,  
Distant through all the applause,  
I hear your voice in the darkness,  
But the words aren't yours...  
  
Kaoru *_grinning_*: They were the composer's, of course!  
  
Misao: KAORU!  
  
Kaoru: Sorry!  
Tenshi n'Ongaku,  
Guide and guardian!  
Give to me your glory!  
  
Misao *_mumbling to herself_*: She couldn't mean... this...  
  
Both:  
Tenshi n'Ongaku,  
Hide no longer!  
Secret and strange angel...  
  
Kaoru *_murmuring faintly_*:  
He's with me all the time...  
  
Misao *_baffled_*:  
Your hands are cold!  
  
Kaoru *_moving away_*:  
All around me...  
  
Misao *_following_*:  
Kaoru, your face is pale.  
  
Kaoru *_hugging herself_*:  
It frightens me...  
  
Misao *_hugging her comfortingly_*:  
Don't be frightened...  
  
_(The girls stand in silence for a long moment. Tomoe quietly steps up behind them and smacks Misao over the head with her umbrella, breaking both the silence and the drama of the moment. Misao stares accusingly at Tomoe, who returns the gaze blankly.)_  
  
Tomoe: I do recall summoning all the dancers to a rehearsal. Does that not include you?  
  
_(Misao "eeps!" and dashes off to join the rest of the dancers. Tomoe steps towards Kaoru and hands her a note.)_  
  
Tomoe: This arrived for you.  
  
_(She exits, and Kaoru looks at the note in her hands.)_  
  
Kaoru *_reading_*: An oak bokken... the dojo... little Jou-chan...

~*~

Scene 2 - End

~*~

Notes: "Tenshi n'Ongaku" (or an abbreviated "Tenshi no Ongaku") of course means Angel of Music. At the beginning, the "mysterious voice" (hmm, I _wonder_ who that could be) says, "Congratulations (x3), beloved." Aw, how cute. ^_^ "Chikyuu" means earth.  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Reyer: Saitou  
Mme Giry: Tomoe  
Meg: Misao

_Reviewer Responses:_

**Gochan**: The "dance, baby" line woke me up at 2 in the morning. As such, I had to put it in before my muse murdered me in my sleep. O_o  
  
**Leila Winters**: Ah, thank you, ^_^ ... "Eric"? I'm trying to follow the original as best as I can, which is difficult without actually seeing it... O_o Apparently it's coming to my town again in May, so I might just get my chance... oh sure, I'll do my best to be nice to Meg/Misao... maybe. ^_^ Thanks for taking the time to review each chapter.  
  
**Kaiphantom**: That's what I thought, too... ^_^ Sano is also the one who was most appropriate to battle with Kenshin and win over Kaoru... anyone else just seemed wrong... the chapters go according to either scenes or sections which seem _right_. Whether they're long or short is pretty much based on a whim.

**haku baikou**: Fun to read, fun to write... fun overall, ^_^ That's the kind of fic I like. 

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	5. Act I, Scene iii Part 1: The Meeting

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 3 _(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

Part I: The Meeting

~*~

_(Meanwhile, Sano, Aoshi, and Shishio, and Yumi are heading towards Kaoru's dressing room, drinking sake and looking a little tipsy.)_  
  
Aoshi *_lip quirking ever so slightly in an attempt to smile_*: The show was an amazing success. It was a... surprise.  
  
Shishio *_smirking_*: I had my doubts, but she certainly brought the money in.  
  
Yumi *_smiling secretively and pouring him more sake_*: Greedy, Shishio-sama...  
  
Aoshi: I believe that, judging by our recent success, we should continue to depend on Kamiya-san as our current lead.  
  
Shishio *_pointing vaguely towards the shoji blocking the dressing room_*: This is her room, Sagara.  
  
Sano *_taking one final swig of the sake_*: 's about time. I'm gonna talk to 'er alone, if you don't mind.  
  
Aoshi: *_nods stoically_*  
  
_(Shishio and Aoshi walk away.)_  
  
Shishio *_suspicious_*: Looks like they know each other. Interesting...  
  
_(Sano knocks on the wood surrounding the rice paper and slides the door open, smirking.)  
_  
Sano *_calling loudly_*: Kamiya Kaoru, where's that bokken of yours?  
  
Kaoru: Excuse me?  
  
Sano: Don't tell me you lost it! It took me three weeks to carve the damn thing! Must've cut my finger sixteen times...  
  
Kaoru *_stealing his smirk_*: I didn't lose it, I broke it over your head, you baka! Sagara Sanosuke, where've you been?!  
  
Sano *_objecting_*: Jou-chan!  
  
_(She moves towards him and punches his arm lightly. He curls an arm around her neck and ruffles her hair, and she quickly escapes and kneels on the floor, struggling through a tea ceremony when he joins her.)  
_  
Sano *_singing faintly, still smirking_*:  
"Little Jou-chan, let your mind wander..."  
  
Kaoru *_scowling half-heartedly_*: Oh no, that song again...  
  
Sano *_ignoring her with a grin_*:  
"Little Jou-chan thought: Am I fonder of dolls..."  
  
Both:  
"Or of tengu.  
Of tabi..."  
  
Kaoru:  
"... or of nazo.  
Of obi..."  
  
Sano *_laughing as he remembers_*: Your tea ceremony in the tree...  
"Or of chocolates..."  
  
Kaoru *_eyes lighting up at the thought of chocolate_*: Tousan playing the shamisen...  
  
Sano: And we used to read those dark stories of the West.  
  
Kaoru *_suddenly wistful_*:  
"No, what I love best, Jou-chan said,  
Is when I'm asleep in my bed,  
And the Tenshi n'Ongaku sings song in my head..."  
  
Both:  
"The Tenshi n'Ongaku sings songs in my head!"  
  
_(There is a silence, as they both look at each other and smile, as if sharing a secret amusement. Suddenly, Kaoru breaks it.)  
_  
Kaoru: Your breath smells like sake.  
  
Sano *_grinning_*: When did it ever _not_?  
  
Kaoru *_laughing delightedly_*: Baka! Remember what tousan used to say? Too much sake makes you silly. Now you're singing all the time.  
  
Sano: Says the one who just made a fool of herself on that stage.  
  
Kaoru: HEY!  
  
_(Sanosuke whistles innocently.)  
_  
Kaoru *_after a long pause_*: Know what tousan also used to say? He said, "When I die and go to heaven, I will send the Tenshi n'Ongaku to you." Tousan died a few years ago, you know... and the Tenshi n'Ongaku visited me.  
  
Sano *_grinning again_*: I betcha he did. Let's go get some food! I'm starving!  
  
Kaoru *_rolling her eyes_*: I can't just get up and leave, you know. The Tenshi n'Ongaku is very stern about his curfews.  
  
Sano *_tugging lightly on her ponytail, earning himself a slap_*: No worries. We won't be up _too_ late. Just a few drinks.  
  
Kaoru: Oh, you never listen!  
  
Sano *_waving a hand, ignoring her_*: Get out of that ridiculous outfit. I'll go find my hanten. Just wait right here, Jou-chan.  
  
_(He winks at her and exits.)  
_  
Kaoru *_calling after him_*: SANO!  
  
_(Silence. She sighs and brushes a hand through her hair.)  
_  
Kaoru *_quietly_*: Not everyone stays the same, baka.

~*~

End of Part 1: The Meeting

~*~

Translations for the song:  
  
tengu - long-nosed goblin-demon things, ^_^  
tabi - split-toed socks  
nazo - riddles  
obi - the belt holding together a kimono  
  
This is too much fun! I hope I can keep this pace throughout the entire thing. I don't think there's much to mention, here...  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi  
Mme Firmin: Yumi

_Reviewer Responses:_

**Cherie Dee**: I swear this will probably be the only fic I write that _ doesn't_ have Kenshin ending up with Kaoru... O_o Makes me sort of envious... maybe I ought to have joined the choir in my high school. It's a bit late now, anyway...  
  
**Vesca**: I just now realized a mistake I made... O_o It was supposed to be flying Henya, not flying Hannya... stupid similarities between names... *grumble*  
  
**Leila Winters:** Hm, maybe I should read the book, too, ^_^ And of course I'm disturbed. I'm always disturbed. But it doesn't bother me one bit! (wait... does that even make sense?) Maybe I'm just as disturbed as anyone else...  
  
**Girlquinndreamer**: Scarred for life? Bad Sano, bad! *smacks him* I may be putting this fic on a _teeeeeensy_ little hold until my friend sends me the full musical on cd... right now I only have the script and a set of tapes with the crucial scenes in it, so I'm missing half the fun, ^_^ I'll be thinking about it, either way.  
  
**Corran Nackatori**: I have to agree, "Think of Me" is a beautiful song... actually, I'm using the original London cast, so Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't make an appearance, I don't think... *checks credits*

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	6. Act I, Scene iii Part 2: The Angel's Ar...

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

_(Revised June 24, 2003.)_

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 3 _(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

Part II: Tenshi n'Ongaku

~*~

_(In Kaoru's dressing room, a voice suddenly breaks the silence, angry and echoing throughout the room.)  
_  
Voice:  
Foolish daimyo  
This man of riches  
Thinking he knows music!  
  
How dare that boy  
Of simple pleasures  
Tries to steal my triumph!  
  
Kaoru *_surprised and bound by the silken voice_*:  
Tenshi! I hear you!  
Speak - I'll listen!  
Stay by my side, guide me!  
  
Tenshi, don't think  
Of silly Sano,  
He's just a drunk rooster!  
  
_(Sano, approaching the room, sneezes loudly on an old lady in the hall and is attacked by her handbag.)  
_  
Voice:  
Dear kodomo,  
You shall find me,  
Soon you will know why I hide,  
  
Search for the shadows around you -  
I am at your side!  
  
_(Kaoru turns, and sees a silhouette of a person behind the furthest wall. She approaches, mesmerized.)  
_  
Kaoru:  
Tenshi n'Ongaku!  
Dear shidosha!  
Give me your great secret!  
  
Tenshi n'Ongaku!  
Hide no longer!  
Come, fushigi tenshi...  
  
Voice:  
Ore wa Tenshi...  
Come to me: Tenshi n'Ongaku...  
  
_(Kaoru approaches the wall, finding that it is a hidden shoji. She raises her palm to touch the paper, and meets the shadowed hand on the other side. Meanwhile, Sano has escaped the deadly assault of an obaasan's purse and stands outside the door, confused to find it locked.)_  
  
Sano: How the hell do you lock a shoji?  
  
_(Inside the room, the hidden shoji suddenly opens, revealing the true appearance of the shadow. He is a short, darkly garbed swordsman, bearing a katana and a wakizashi at his waist. His hair, crimson in colour, is tied in a topknot, partially obscured by a woven bamboo hat. His face is covered with the mask of a Noh performer. It is the Battousai; Kaoru is in awe at finally seeing him. He reaches out, taking her by the wrist, and draws her into the hallway beyond.)  
_  
Battousai:  
Ore wa Tenshi...  
Come to me: Tenshi n'Ongaku...  
_  
(Kaoru disappears through the hidden shoji, which shuts tightly behind her. Sano finally manages to get the shoji on the other end of the room open and enters, finding it empty.)_  
  
Sano: Oi! *_scratches his head_* Kaoru?

~*~

Scene 3 - End

~*~

Good grief, how long did this take, O_o Sorry for the delay. This was one chapter I didn't really feel like writing... plus I was completely at a loss as to how to write the "Phantom's" song.  
  
See, look! He finally showed up! Good ol' Phantom... I knew he'd come someday.  
  
Sano was fun to do, though. I can't imagine him duking it out with an old lady... ^_^  
  
Translations for this chapter:  
  
Kodomo: child  
shidosha: guide  
  
"Fushigi" means wondrous in my dictionary, but it also means mysterious, so either way it fits, ^_^  
  
"Ore wa Tenshi" is basically "I (masculine; Battousai's, of course, ^_^) am the Angel".  
  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Phantom: Battousai

_Reviewer Responses:_

**Leila Winters:** Well, I found it difficult at first to imagine them singing together PERIOD, but then I listened to "Corner of this World" again (on the first RK Songs cd, I believe), and they do sing a couple lines alone together. They sounded pretty good, ^_^  
  
**EK**: Oh dear. I'm terrified, -_-;; Don't scrutinize too closely; you'll hurt your eyes. And your brain... Why Sano? Because he's so damn fun to use, ^_^  
  
**Shadowfax**: Hehe, I love your nick. You have it... O_O Memorized? Wow. All these people who really like Phantom... I'm starting to dread tackling this thing. But it's fun, so even if I mess up, ^_^ correct me with good humour.

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	7. Act I, scene iv: Battousai of the Teahou...

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

Author's note: I slaughtered this scene. Simply slaughtered it. ^_^ Enjoyed every moment of it, too.  
  
WARNING: Major OOC coming up. Well, depending on your perspective. It's certainly not your typical Christine/Phantom interaction, ^_~

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 4: Battousai of the Teahouse

_(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

~*~

_(Battousai leads Kaoru through a labyrinth of hallways, lit by torches lined along the walls, going further and further underground. Kaoru stares at her surroundings, fascinated but unafraid. Finally they reach a strange, underground river, and, on a boat, begin to travel downstream.)_  
  
Kaoru *_singing softly, her voice echoing through the cavern_*:  
In sleep  
He sang to me  
In dreams he came  
That voice  
Which calls to me  
And speaks my name  
  
And do  
I dream again?  
For now I find  
Battousai of the Tea-e-house  
Is there -  
Inside my mind...  
  
_(Battousai, standing at the bow of the boat, turns back to look at her strangely.)_  
  
Battousai: Tea-e-house?  
  
Kaoru: Shut up! I had to match the syllable count!  
  
Battousai *_with a small, inaudible sigh_*:  
Sing once again with me  
Our strange duet-  
  
Kaoru: Um, excuse me, when have we sung together before?  
  
Battousai *_slightly exasperated_: Do you _mind_?  
  
Kaoru *_flustered_*: Oh, right...  
  
Battousai:  
My power over you,  
Grows stronger yet-  
  
Kaoru *_a little angry_*: And just _who_ do you think you're controlling here, mister?  
  
_(Battousai gives her a long, suffering stare.)_  
  
Kaoru: Well I was just asking! Mou, you don't have to bite my head off.  
  
Battousai *_feigning innocence_*: I didn't say a word.  
  
Kaoru: Suuuuure.  
  
_(She turns her head, arms crossed, in a sulk. Battousai groans, burying his face in his hands.)  
_  
Battousai: Just think. Big commission. Damn big commission.  
  
Kaoru *_still avoiding him*: What are you muttering about?  
  
Battousai *his voice enticing again_*:  
Though you turn from me  
To glance behind...  
  
_(Kaoru looks back at him, surprised.)  
_  
Battousai of the Tea-e-house  
Is there...  
Inside your mind...  
  
_(Kaoru looks very pleased.)  
_  
Battousai: What?  
  
Kaoru: Tea-e-house?  
  
Battousai *_scowling_*: ....  
  
Kaoru:  
Those who have seen your face  
Draw back in fear  
I am the mask you wear-  
  
Battousai:  
It's me they hear...  
  
Kaoru: Talk about a glory hog!  
  
Together:  
You're driving me  
Insane  
And now I find  
The Battousai of the Teahouse...  
  
Battousai:  
Is in  
A tired bind...  
  
Kaoru *_at the same time_*:  
Has got  
A twisted mind...  
  
Offstage Voices:  
He's there  
Battousai of the Teahouse...  
Beware  
Battousai of the Teahouse...  
  
_(Battousai and Kaoru blink.)  
_  
Battousai: I have got to get these caves checked someday.  
  
Kaoru: You're telling me.  
  
Battousai *_coughing quietly_*:  
In all your fantasies  
You always knew  
That man and mystery...  
  
Kaoru *_interjecting_*:  
... Too much to chew!  
  
Battousai: .... what?  
  
Kaoru: Um... never mind.  
  
Both:  
And in this labyrinth  
Where night is blind  
The Battousai of the Teahouse  
Is there  
  
Battousai:  
Inside your mind...  
  
Kaoru *_in unison_*:  
Inside my mind...  
  
_(They reach a fork in the river, and the boat comes to a halt on one side, where another passage awaits them. Battousai helps Kaoru get off, and, walking forward, brushes aside his formal gi sleeves to reveal the katana and wakizashi. He slowly draws the katana, moving further away and shifting into a stance, leveling the end towards Kaoru.)  
_  
Battousai *_his voice soft and commanding, eyes glowly golden in the torchlight_.*: Sing, my Tenshi n'Ongaku.  
  
_(Kaoru meets his eyes without fear and lifts her chin, raising her voice to the ceiling. Her body begins to shift and move to a music all her own, creating a melody. To her surprise, Battousai's position changes as her notes become higher and more complex; he moves from stance to stance, acting out a complicated dance with the katana slicing through the air like the hiss of a violin. She watches, her voice still echoing across the cavern, as he follows through a sharp, beautiful kata, spinning and turning around her. Suddenly he slows down, drawing near, his cloak open, revealing the wakizashi. She seems to understand, for she takes the wakizashi and draws it, joining his dance. They weave and twist around each other, Kaoru's song not breaking for a moment, until they reach the climax of both song and voice, and she spins dramatically and kneels, his arm around her waist, the katana against her throat. Her voice dies out, yet still dances across the walls.)  
  
(The torches around them seem to flare for a long moment, then fade, leaving them in darkness. As if breaking free from a trance, they both stand, Battousai retrieving his swords, and continue their path through the tunnels.)_

~*~

Scene 4 - End

~*~

*blink blink* What was that, you might ask? Me, having way too much fun, ^_^;;  
  
Battousai was OOC, but that was intentional; I failed to change the lyrics, which was also intentional, because I wanted the main focus be the dialogue. Yeah, it alters things, I know, but that's part of the fun, ^_~  
  
Don't ask about the "chew" comment. Just don't ask.  
  
The ending section was a spontaneous thing that was obscenely hard to write. When I thought to Kenshin as the Phantom, I couldn't visualize the organ, but it's really quite crucial. After thinking on it for a long time, I realized (after watching a kata presentation once) how much some kata can be like a dance. Someone like Battousai is bound to be silent as he practices, which solves the kiai shouts which might distract Kaoru from the song. I debated whether or not to involve Kaoru in the dance, but it was far too tempting. I keep visualizing it in my head, but no matter what I did, I couldn't describe it well enough to suit my intention... I wish I could have it choreographed, because in my mind it just looks *so cool*. Oh well, such is the life.

Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Phantom: Battousai

_Reviewer Responses:_

**haku baikou**: Ooh, I've got you reading a bit of everything, don't I... ^_^ Glad you enjoy it.  
  
**Shadowfax**: Okay then. *rubs hands together* I have full reign! Bwahaha! But somehow I didn't realize, when I originally took this on, how difficult writing Phantom's parts would be, O_o... Hey, nothing wrong with having the thing memorized. I think it's something to admire. The more I listen to it, the more I'm singing along, myself, ^_~  
  
**Mewberries**: Well, I suppose that depends on what I feel like writing at the time, ^_^ Right now I don't have any plans, really...  
  
**Leila Winters**: Hm. Good point. I'll try to keep that in mind, ^_^  
  
**EK**: That's one of my favourite songs, ^_^ Dunno why. The London Phantom is so creepy and wonderful... *sigh* Kenshin's VA is too much of a soprano for his role, though, as my beta reader commented. Do I care? That's another question... ^_^;;  
  
**Negaprion**: I'm sorry, the story will be put on hiatus for six months. *runs away from the mad wok* Kidding, kidding! I can't visualize Kenshin and Sano switching places, either. Sano's not creepy/mysterious enough to be Phantom, even if he does have a nice voice, ^_^

~*~

More coming soon!  
~AK


	8. Act I, scene v: The Music of the Night

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

Note: Not too many changes here. Some added dialogue, and if you read carefully you can see little changes in the lyrics, ^_^ Sorry about that, everyone...

~*~  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse

A Parody-Fic

by Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~

Act I - Scene 5: The Music of the Night

_(The Aoiya Teahouse,1881)_

~*~

_(Finally, Battousai and Kaoru arrive at the end of the underground tunnel, to his lair. The cavern is lit by giant paper lanterns scattered across the walls, and there is a large piano in the corner. Across from it is a grand futon with lavender quilts.)_  
  
_(Battousai strides over to the piano and sits down, beginning a new song.)  
_  
Battousai:  
I have brought you  
To the scene of sweet music's throne  
To this kingdom  
Where all must pay homage  
To music...  
... music...  
  
_(Kaoru approaches, fascinated by the elaborate lair around her.)  
_  
You have come here  
For one purpose and one alone!  
Since the day  
When I first saw you move  
I have needed you with me  
To serve me  
To dance to my music...  
  
Kaoru: Um... wasn't I singing for you?  
  
Battousai: It's a team effort, here. Work with me.  
  
Kaoru: Oh. Okay then.  
  
Battousai *_turning back to the piano_*:  
Night-time sharpens,  
Heightens each sensation  
Shadows stir and  
Wakes imagination  
Silently the senses  
Abandon their defences...  
  
_(Kaoru draws nearer, smiling, her eyes heavy-lidded as she listens to the gentle melody.)  
_  
Battousai *_pleased with her response_*:  
Slowly, gently  
Night reveals its splendour  
Grasp it, sense it -  
Tremulous and tender...  
Turn your face away  
From the cruel world of the day,  
Turn your thoughts away  
From cold, unfeeling light -  
And join in with  
The music of the night...  
  
Close your eyes  
And surrender to the  
Dreams of night!  
Purge your thoughts  
Of the life  
You knew before!  
Close your eyes,  
Let your spirit  
Start to soar!  
And you'll live  
As you've never  
Lived before...  
  
_(Kaoru comes closer still, swaying gently to the music as if in a trance, her eyes closed.)  
_  
Battousai:  
Softly, deftly,  
Music shall caress you  
Feel it, hear it,  
Secretly possess you...  
Open up your mind,  
Let the waiting visions bind  
In these shadows that  
Cannot be touched by light...  
The shadows of  
The music of the night...  
  
_(Kaoru finally reaches him and stands behind him, reaching forward and drawing her fingers gently across the mask covering Battousai's face. She gasps; his face is cold, but she refuses to be frightened away by it. She remains fixed in place, and gradually she grows accustomed to the chill.)  
  
_Battousai *_smiling at her touch_*:  
Let your mind  
Start a journey through a  
Strange new world!  
Leave all thoughts  
Of the world  
You knew before!  
Let your soul  
Take you where you long to be!  
Only then  
Can you belong  
To me...  
  
_(He takes her hand, squeezing gently, and she smiles in response, still trance-like.)  
_  
Floating, falling,  
sweet intoxication!  
Touch me, trust me  
Savour each sensation!  
Let the dream begin,  
Let your darker side give in  
To the power of the dance which draws your sight -  
The power of the music of the night...  
  
_(His stops playing, still holding her hand, and leads her away from the piano and towards a folded rice-paper screen. The screen is protected by a thin sheen of glass, and kaoru can see her reflection in it. Suddenly, as she stares at it, the image transforms into herself in a wedding kimono, and the image reached out towards her. Kaoru gasps in alarm and stumbles back, fainting. Battousai catches her in his arms and carries her to the futon, whispering in her ear as he lays her down.)  
_  
Battousai:  
You alone can dance as if in flight...  
Help me make the music of the...  
  
_(He straightens, glazing up towards the dark ceiling of the cavern.)  
_  
Battousai *_nearly silent_*:  
... Night...  
  
_(Around him, the lanterns fade into darkness.)  
_  
~*~  
  
Scene 5 - End  
  
~*~  
  
Notes: Again, apologies for the lack of changes. This song had me baffled, but I really wanted it written soon... and then I just started focusing on the actions, but... arg, never mind.  
  
Kudos to those who recognized Battousai's ending words as from that Kyoto episode. After I wrote it, I suddenly visualized Saitou's sword popping up from the ground to hit Battousai's butt through the piano bench... not a very good image when you're trying to be serious, O_o Oh well.  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Phantom: Battousai  
  
~*~

_Reviewer Responses:_

**Vesca**: I try... and try, and try...  
  
**Mewberries**: I need to stop being paranoid over things. I have a very twisted sense of humour, and I never know if I'm the only one laughing, O_o  
  
**Shadowfax**: Mel Brooks, eh? ^_^ Well, Kenshin is pretty complex too, but my problem is I don't know enough about Phantom to meld them properly... I'm hoping to read the book over the summer, though...  
  
**EK**: Thanks for the suggestion... maybe I'll consult my Japanese advisor for that. (aka I'll go ask Mir-san, *grin*) See, the problem with correcting that is I lose the syllable count... what a pesky problem, hm...  
  
**haku baikou**: Even if you ask, I won't answer. :P Kidding. It's sort of an inside joke...  
  
**Final Enigma**: LOL, I can imagine... memorizing Kenshin, O_o I don't know if even Watsuki-sensei could do that.  
  
**Negaprion**: *hides* I feel menaced. That's not nice at all. (out of curiousity, who's this Hiei and should I be very, very afraid of him?)

~*~


	9. Act I, scene vi: Memories in the Mist

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~

Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 6: Memories In The Mist  
  
_(Aoiya Teahouse, 1881)  
_  
~*~  
  
_(The lanterns begin to glow again, and Battousai is once again at the piano, tapping the keys thoughtfully and scribbling down various notes. His handwriting is visibly terrible and difficult to read. Beside the futon, where Kaoru lies sleeping, the small music box begins to play the dojo theme, almost in unison with Battousai's song. Kaoru slowly wakes up and gazes forward blankly, trying to blink away her disorientation.)_  
  
Kaoru:  
I remember, there was mist...  
Swirling mist  
Around a dark endless stream...  
  
There were lanterns all around  
And on the stream there was a boat...  
And in that boat, there was a...  
  
_(She turns suddenly, catching sight of Battousai at the piano.)  
_  
Kaoru *_whispering, as if suddenly realizing_*: A man...  
  
_(She stands and approaches Battousai, who is so caught up in his writing, he fails to notice her. Curious, she reaches forward, trying to remove the mask which covers his face, but he turns at the last moment and she fails.)  
_  
Kaoru *_frustrated, she tried again_*:  
Who was the shape in the shadows?  
  
_(He lowers his head to look at the music, dodging her attempt again.)  
_  
Kaoru:  
Whose is the face in the mask?  
  
_(As he raises his head to begin playing again, she catches hold of the corner of the mask and it falls, revealing his face. He jumps back in alarm, his amber eyes wide and flashing with anger.)  
_  
Battousai *_quickly covering his left cheek with one hand_*:  
Damn you!  
You little creeping kitsune!  
You little oni -  
Is this what you wanted to see?  
  
_(He removes his hand, revealing a large, cross-shaped scar on his left cheek. Kaoru steps back with a sharp gasp.)  
_  
Battousai *_continuing, ignoring her fear_*:  
Curse you!  
You little lying tanuki!  
You snapping serpent -  
Now you cannot ever be free!  
  
Damn you!  
  
_(His voice becomes mournful, more like a sob than a threat.)  
_  
Curse you...  
  
_(Kaoru backs away again as he approaches, no longer trying to hide his scar.)  
_  
Battousai *_his anger returning, eyes aflame with outrage_*:  
Stranger than you dreamt it -  
Can you even dare to look  
Or bear to think of me  
This scar of legend  
Which burns my soul  
But secretly  
Yearns for love, but -  
Secretly... secretly...  
  
But, Kaoru...  
  
Fear can turn to love  
You'll learn to see  
To find the man  
Behind the monster  
This... murdering demon  
Who's called the "Death"  
But secretly  
Wants to protect you...  
Secretly... secretly...  
  
_(He breaks off again, nearly choking with grief.)  
_  
Oh, koishii...  
  
_(She lowers her hands from her mouth, remembering all she knew of the assassin with the cross-shaped scar, yet seeing the man before her as something more than the demon she had heard stories about as a child. He reaches out towards her, and she is a little frightened until she sees him beckoning for the mask in her hand. She gazes at it for a long moment, then gives his back to him. He quickly puts it back on and again reaches for her, this time taking her hand.)  
_  
Battousai *_confident again, now that is mask is back in place_*:  
Come, we must return  
Those two fools  
Who run my teahouse  
Will be missing you!  
  
_(The lanterns dim and they disappear from the lair, heading for the labyrinth.)  
_  
~*~  
  
Scene 6 - End  
  
~*~  
  
Okay, I'm getting back into the loop. That's a good thing.  
  
Sorry the whole scar-mask was so vague. I'm hoping to expand upon that later, but for now, mysteries are fun, ^_^  
  
Tanuki and Kitsune are commonly known as tricksters in Japanese legend. That's why I used them in this chapter. That'll come back later, though. "Oni" means demon, and again, "koishii" is beloved.  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Phantom: Battousai  
  
~*~


	10. Act I, scene vii: Assassin's Tools

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin, and most of the characters related to and featuring in the following fictional stories are property of creator and master manga artist Watsuki Nobuhiro, and no copyright infringement was intended in any way in the creation of these projects. Used without permission.

~*~

Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 7: Assassin's Tools  
  
_(Aoiya Teahouse, 1881)_  
  
  
~*~  
  
_(Enishi stands backstage, revealing the technique of the Battousai's kills to the group of geisha dancers. He holds a long strand of invisible wire in his hands, and he wears a short black cape on his shoulders.)  
_  
Enishi:  
Like amber fire  
Are his eyes...  
A great black hole  
Lies for the heart  
Which never grew...  
  
_(He sticks his hand through the loop he has made in the wire, pulling on the other end and showing the girls how it tightens around his wrist. They gasp in surprise and applaud his cleverness.)  
_  
Enishi *_smirking in victory_*:  
You should all be on your guard  
Or he will catch you with  
His wire and clever tricks!  
  
_(Suddenly one of the tatami across the room slides over, revealing a dark hole. A shadow appears, coming closer, and the girls scatter in fear. Enishi stays and watches as Battousai appears, leading Kaoru. Battousai glares menacingly at Enishi, then wraps his cloak around Kaoru and disappears down the hallways of the teahouse.)  
  
(Enishi watches them disappear, unruffled. Tomoe enters, seeing them vanish, and turns her gaze on Enishi.)  
_  
Tomoe *_in a cautious voice_*:  
Those who speak of what they know  
Find, too late  
That calm and silence is wise  
Dear Enishi,  
Hold your tongue  
Or he will burn you with the  
Heat of his eyes...  
  
_(Enishi shrugs off her concerns, still smirking in utter confidence. Tomoe shakes her head in disapproval and exits. After a moment, he follows.)  
_  
~*~  
  
Scene 7 - End  
  
~*~  
  
Yeah, these chapters are kind of boring, aren't they... -_-;; I'm trying to get to the more exciting parts, so I'm kind of rushing through... terrible of me, I know... somebody smack me.  
  
But it's a good distraction from finals, either way... *sigh*  
  
If you're curious to know, the idea of the invisible wires comes from Episode 18, from those weird brothers that Gohei hired to kill Kenshin. I thought that was pretty cool, and it was perfect for the assassionation technique.  
  
Cast List:  
  
Buquet: Enishi  
Mme. Giry: Tomoe  
Christine: Kaoru  
Phantom: Battousai  
Chorus girls/Dancers: Okon, Omasu, Tsubame, Kamatari  
  
~*~  
More coming soon!  
~AK


	11. Act I, scene viii Part 1: In The Office

Diclaimer: me no own Kenshin. And it just occured to me... I don't known the Phantom of the Opera, either. (as if anyone could ever own such a classic story.)

**AN**: Beware of extreme changes, ^____^ This is my favourite chapter so far...

~*~

Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 8 _(Aoiya Teahouse, 1881)_

Part 1: In The Office  
  
~*~

_(In the teahouse main office, Shishio leans back in his chair at a desk covered in various scattered papers. He is glaring at a newspaper, contemplating the idea of stabbing it with his ink brush.)  
_  
Shishio:  
"Mystery of the opening night!"  
It says, "Mystery of the geisha's flight!"  
  
"Mystified, the police all say,  
We are mystified -  
We suspect foul play!"  
  
_(He tosses the paper on the desk, smirking slightly.)  
_  
Bad news coming  
In one whirl  
First Takani  
Now the girl!  
Still, at least  
The seats are full  
Gossip's a great  
Patron pull...  
  
Singer gives her resignation,  
Cover leaves without a hitch  
Half your cast disappears  
But the crowd still cheers!  
Geisha girls...  
To hell with Purgatory  
It's a story  
That'll get you filthy rich!  
  
_(As Shishio basks in all his wealthy glory, still smirking, Aoshi steps in carrying his kodachi, his eyes dark and somewhat homicidal.)_  
  
Aoshi:  
Intolerable!  
Have they all walked out?  
It's intolerable!  
  
Shishio *_casually_*:  
Don't wave those about.  
It's publicity!  
And the profit's vast!  
Free publicity!  
  
Aoshi *_lowering the swords_*:  
But we have no cast...  
  
Shishio *_sifts through a pile of mail on the desk_*:  
Aoshi, have you seen the queue?  
  
_(He picks up two letters, one addressed to him and another to Aoshi.)  
_  
Here, looks like you got one too.  
  
_(He tosses the letter to Aoshi, who opens it and reads it aloud.)  
_  
Aoshi:  
"Aoshi -  
What a grand performance!  
Miss Kaoru left a lasting hit  
There was hardly a tear  
With the fox not here -  
Otherwise  
The chorus was entrancing  
But the dancing  
Didn't entertain a bit!  
  
Shishio:  
"Shishio -  
For your information,  
My salary has not been paid.  
Send it soon, do be fair  
Service: Pigeon Air  
Caution, now -  
No one likes to die so  
It is wise to  
Have your employees not slayed!"  
  
Both *_steaming_*:  
Who would ever dare to send this?  
Whose judgement could be this bad?  
  
Shishio:  
These are both signed "H.B." -  
  
Aoshi:  
Who on earth is he?  
  
Both *_furious_*:  
Battousai!  
  
Shishio:  
This fool's heading to ruin -  
  
Aoshi:  
He just flew in without thinking -  
  
Shishio:  
Patience shrinking with these letters -  
  
Aoshi:  
He had better reconsider -  
  
Both:  
Highest bidder gets his head  
When he is dead  
For there is profit to be had!  
  
_(Sano suddenly rushes in, carrying with him another letter.)  
_  
Sano *_interrupting_*:  
Where is she?!  
  
Aoshi: You mean Megumi?  
  
Sano:  
I mean Miss Kaoru -  
Where is she?!  
  
Shishio *_snapping_*: Why should I care?  
  
Sano *_glaring back_*:  
Give me an answer  
Because you must have sent me this note!  
  
Shishio *_looking briefly at the letter in Sano's waving hand_*: What the hell's that?  
  
Aoshi:  
We did not.  
  
Shishio: You stupid rooster!  
  
Sano *_blinking and stepping back_*:  
Uh... she's not here then?  
  
Shishio:  
She is not!  
  
Aoshi: We'd like to know, though-  
  
Sano *_angry again_*:  
Hey, don't lie, guys!  
Isn't this the letter you wrote?  
  
Shishio *_exasperated_*:  
Just what is it  
We're supposed to have wrote?  
  
Aoshi *_quietly_*: Written.  
  
Shishio *with a scowl*: Shut up.  
  
_(Sanosuke gives the note to Aoshi, who reads it aloud.)  
_  
Aoshi:  
"Do not fear for Miss Kaoru,  
The Tenshi n'Ongaku  
Has her under his wing.  
Make no attempt to see her again."  
  
_(Aoshi looks at Shishio, who shrugs uncaringly.)  
_  
Sano *_baffled_*: If you didn't write it... who did?  
  
_(Megumi suddenly bursts in, waving a note around in a similar fashion as Sano and looking quite miffed.)  
_  
Megumi:  
Where is he?!  
  
Aoshi: Good, you've returned.  
  
Megumi *ignoring him*:  
Your precious daimyo -  
Where is he?!  
  
Sano: What do you want?  
  
Megumi *_glaring at him_*:  
I have your letter -  
A letter which I rather resent!  
  
Shishio: Well, did you send it?  
  
Sano *_spluttering_*:  
I did not!  
  
Aoshi: It seems he didn't.  
  
Sano *_more confident with Aoshi's support_*:  
I did not!  
  
Shishio *_looking at the letter_*: That's tori-scratch.  
  
_(Sano shoots Shishio a long-suffering glare. Shishio brushes it aside with a smirk.)  
_  
Megumi *_snatching back the letter and pressing it into Sano's face_*:  
You dare to tell me  
That this is not the letter you sent?  
  
Sano *_pulling away_*:  
And what the hell do you think I sent?!  
  
_(Sano takes the letter out of Megumi's hands and uncrumples it to read it aloud.)  
_  
Sano:  
"Your days at Aoiya Teahouse are numbered...  
Miss Kamiya will be singing on your behalf tonight.  
Be prepared to meet a great misfortune  
Should you attempt to take her place."  
  
Shishio and Aoshi *_looking at each other in suspicion_*:  
Far too many notes to ignore  
And most of them about the girl!  
All we've heard since we came  
Is Kamiya's name!  
  
_(Tomoe enters, followed closely by Misao, who looks concerned.)  
_  
Tomoe *_interrupting the managers tirade_*: Miss Kaoru has returned.  
  
Shishio *raising an eyebrow*:  
Well then it seems our meeting is adjorned.  
  
Aoshi:  
Where precisely is she now?  
  
Tomoe:  
I thought it best that she went home -  
  
Misao *_piping up_*: She needed rest!  
  
Sano *_walking towards the door_*:  
I'll go see her!  
  
Tomoe *_halting him with her voice_*:  
I wouldn't. She'll have no guests, sir.  
  
Megumi *_disgusted_*:  
Will she sing?  
Will she sing?  
  
Tomoe *_ignoring her_*: Here, I have a note.  
  
Everyone:  
Let me see it!  
  
Shishio *_snatching it away_*: Give it, here. *_he begins reading_*  
"Gentlemen, I have now sent you several notes of the most urgent kind,  
Detailing how my teahouse is to be run. You have not followed my instructions.  
I shall give you one last chance."  
  
_(Shishio's voice fades, as Battousai - unseen - takes over the recital of the letter.)  
_  
Battousai:  
"Miss Kamiya has returned to you,  
And I wish that her career should progress.  
In the new production of "Ryu-sama"  
You will therefore cast Megumi  
As the Peasant, and place Miss Kaoru  
In the role of Empress.  
The role which Miss Kaoru plays  
Needs a spunky motif.  
The role of the Peasant is silent -  
Which makes my casting in a word...  
Relief.  
  
_(Megumi scowls and slams her heel down on Sano's foot when he begins to laugh. He winces, shutting his mouth.)  
_  
Battousai *_continuing_*:  
"I shall watch the performance from my normal seat  
At Table Five, which will be kept empty for me.  
Should these demands be ignored, a disaster beyond your  
Imagination will occur."  
  
Shishio *_taking over_*:  
"I remain, gentlemen,  
As ever, sessha. H.B."  
  
Misao *_quietly_*: Kaoru, Kaoru...  
  
Megumi *_very loudly, as if suddenly realizing_*:  
Kaoru!  
  
Aoshi: This is suspicious.  
  
Megumi:  
It's all a ploy to help Kaoru!  
  
Shishio: This is pathetic.  
  
Megumi:  
I know who sent this -  
The daimyo, her lover! *_she points at Sanosuke_*  
  
Sano *_turning bright red_*: Now wait a minute-!  
  
Aoshi: Now, Miss-  
  
Megumi *muttering*:  
I can't believe this!  
  
Shishio: You're all such fools.  
  
Aoshi: We'll not obey it.  
  
Megumi *_as if not hearing him_*:  
Why would you do this!  
  
Shishio *_standing up, losing patience_*: Woman!  
  
Aoshi *_calm as ever_*:  
You are the star.  
  
Shishio:  
That hasn't changed yet.  
  
Aoshi:  
Or ever.  
  
Shishio *_looking sharply at Aoshi_*:  
Let's not be hasty...  
  
Aoshi *_interrupting cooly_*:  
We've made our choice.  
  
Shishio *_shrugs uncaringly, then turns to the others_*:  
Kamiya will be playing the Peasant - the silent role.  
  
Aoshi and Shishio:  
Megumi will be playing the lead!  
  
Megumi *_turning away, fierce and indignant_*:  
It's useless trying to appease me!  
You're only saying this to please me!  
Signori, e vero?  
Non, non, non voglio udire!  
Lasciatemi morire!  
O padre mio!  
Dio!  
  
_(Silence)  
_  
Sano: What the HELL was that?  
  
Megumi *_blinking in confusion_*: I have no idea...  
  
Tomoe: Can we get back on track please? *_The others are in mutual agreement_* Thank you.  
  
_(They fall into chaos, speaking over one another and causing general confusion.)  
_  
Megumi:  
You have disgusted me!  
  
Tomoe:  
Battousai sees,  
Battousai knows...  
  
Sano:  
Why would Kaoru just disappear...?  
  
Megumi *_louder, to gain more attention_*:  
You have punished me!  
  
Aoshi:  
You'll have to pardon us.  
  
Megumi *_turning away_*:  
You have _replaced_ me!  
  
Shishio:  
Didn't we just tell you-?  
  
Tomoe:  
Soon you'll see  
What he can do...  
  
Sano and Misao:  
We should see her! *_They nod in agreement_*  
  
Megumi:  
Abandoned!  
Deserted!  
Oh, the horror...  
  
Tomoe:  
You'll regret  
When he is through...  
  
Sano:  
Where did she go?  
  
Megumi:  
Abandoned!  
Disgraced!  
  
Aoshi:  
You're singing for us.  
  
Shishio *_to Megumi, disgusted_*:  
Don't be an idiot.  
  
Sano, Misao, and Tomoe:  
Where is the mystery of it all?  
  
Aoshi:  
Will you-?  
  
Megumi: I refuse!  
  
_(They all fall silent, looking at Megumi expectantly. She turns around with a huff.)  
_  
~*~  
  
End of Part 1: In The Office  
  
~*~  
  
Sorry to cut it off there, but it was getting long again... those anxiously awaiting "Prima Donna" (or my mangling of it, ^_^;;) will have to wait a little longer.  
  
"Ryu-sama" is of course the parody of "Il Muto". I was pretty lost as to how to write this, and then I thought of the novel I read recently, "Shogun", by James Clavell. In it, the Taiko (who basically ruled Japan while he was alive) has a son by one of his concubines, but he is never sure whether or not the boy was truly his. It wasn't an affair so much as an accident that the concubine had the child; however, it inspired the idea of "Ryu-sama" (dragons are the highest of Japanese animals, I believe, and it symbolizes the Emperor). The full story will be revealed in the performance chapter (scene 9) so I don't want to spoil everything now... I just thought I'd answer a couple questions you might have.  
  
Translations:  
  
During his letter, Battousai says "sessha", which of course translates to "this unworthy one". This is mostly him making a mockery of Aoshi and Shishio, since he obviously views himself at a higher position than they are. Weird grammar, I know, but for the sake of argument...  
  
Good news! I picked up the Phantom of the Opera novel a day or so ago, and will be reading it over the summer. Hopefully this will give me a little more insight on the Phantom's character.

However, I have a bit of bad news. This will be the last chapter for the summer. The cottage I'm vacationing at has no internet access, so I won't be able to update. This does not, however, mean I won't be writing, so you can expect to see some new material when I return in September. Please be patient with me until then, ^_^  
  
Cast List:  
  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Carlotta: Megumi  
Meg: Misao  
Mme. Giry: Tomoe

~*~

_Reviewer Responses_:

**Vesca**: Next time, I promise, ^_~  
  
**haku baikou**: That was the first line that came to mind when I was writing the chapter, and I had to keep it, ^_^ I was lucky it was the exact syllable count... hehe... as for LSRV, my most sincere apologies for that. Although I'm grieved to admit my betas are laughing at you. (kidding, kidding! *dodges*)  
  
**Shadowfax**: Really, you liked Music of the Night... I wish I could have thought up something more original... it's such a lovely song though...  
  
More coming soon!


	12. Act I, scene viii Part 2: Shoujo Diva

Diclaimer: Not mine. Never, ever. I wish, but no.

~*~

Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 8  
  
Part 2: Shoujo Diva  
  
(Aoiya Teahouse, 1881)  
  
  
~*~  
  
_(The group of teahouse workers stand in a semi-circle around Megumi, who still refuses to budge from her decision. All are silent.)_  
  
Misao *_nudging Aoshi and looking meaningfully at Shishio_*: Hey, isn't it your-?  
  
Shishio *_with as much dignity as possible_*: No.  
  
Misao: But-  
  
Shishio *_teeth clenched_*: I'm not singing.  
  
Tomoe *_very quietly_*: You already have.  
  
Shishio: I have not!  
  
_(The cast points quite obviously to Scene 8: Part 1. Shishio glares bloody murder.)_  
  
Shishio: I hate you all.  
  
Aoshi: It seems we're resigned to our fate. Shall we go?  
  
Shishio *_without enthusiasm_*: If we have to.  
  
_(They slowly approach Megumi, who tries her best to ignore them.)_  
  
Aoshi *_slightly imploring_*: Your public needs you.  
  
Shishio *_even less so_*: Apparently we need you too.  
  
Megumi *_glaring at him_*:  
Would you not rather have  
Your precious little tanuki?  
  
Aoshi and Shishio:  
Takani, no!  
The world wants you!  
  
_(They edge closer still, circling her.)  
_  
Both:  
Shoujo diva,  
Great lady of the stage!  
Your managers...  
  
Shishio *_meaningfully_*:  
Your employers...  
  
Both:  
... Now implore you!  
  
Aoshi:  
Will you give up  
When we've chosen your role?  
  
Shishio *_adding_*:  
Or do you want us to ignore you?  
  
_(Megumi gives a brief snort of disdain while Aoshi shakes his head in disapproval. Shishio merely shrugs.)  
_  
Both:  
Shoujo diva,  
Enchant us once again!  
  
Aoshi:  
Think of the lines -  
  
Shishio *_muttering_*:  
And of the whines of the audience.  
  
_(In the background, Tomoe raises her umbrella as if to hit him and is hastily stopped by Sano and Misao.)  
_  
Both:  
Can you deny us  
The profit in store?  
Sing, Shoujo diva, once more!  
  
_(Megumi finally turns around with her brightest fox-smirk, laughing as they continue to encourage her. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast loses interest and turns to their own problems. They begin to sing over each other, discontented besides Megumi and the managers.)  
_  
Sano *_thinking intently_*:  
Kaoru mentioned this "tenshi"...  
  
Megumi *_full of confidence_*:  
Shoujo diva,  
Your song shall live again!  
  
Aoshi and Shishio: Think of your public!  
  
Megumi *_nodding in agreement, still to herself*_:  
You cannot flee  
For there's a teahouse  
That needs you!  
  
Tomoe *_thinking of Kaoru_*:  
She has heard the voice  
Of the Tenshi n'Ongaku...  
  
Aoshi and Shishio *_still to Megumi_*:  
Those who hear your voice  
Liken you to a... a...  
  
_(They trail off, puzzling how to phrase it correctly without offending her, but she glares at them and forges ahead despite their reluctance.)  
_  
Megumi:  
Think of their cry of undying support!  
  
_(She looks meaningfully at them.)  
_  
Shishio *_muttering_*: Well, they're crying about _something_.  
  
Sano *_watching Megumi*_:  
Is this her angel of music-? *_thinking for a moment_* Naaa...  
  
Aoshi *_to Shishio_*:  
We get our teahouse...  
  
Shishio *_nodding_*:  
She gets her stardom.  
  
Megumi *_singing above them_*:  
Go where your brilliance will take you!  
  
Misao:  
Is this ghost an angel or a madman...?  
  
Sano *_echoing_*:  
Angel or madman...?  
  
Misao *_sticking out her tongue_*: Or a pervert!  
  
_(General sweatdrop.)  
_  
Aoshi and Shishio *_away from the others_*: Leading ladies are a curse.  
  
Tomoe *_shaking her head in disapproval_*:  
Kami help you, those who doubt...  
  
Megumi *_ignoring all but herself_*:  
You'll sing again  
And to unending ovation!  
  
Sano *_looking back at the notes_*:  
Orders! Warnings! Crazy demands!  
  
Tomoe:  
This miscasting will bring assassination...  
  
Aoshi and Shishio:  
Tears... oaths... lunatic demands  
Are regular occurrences!  
  
Misao:  
Death or infatuation  
Which has claimed her...?  
  
Megumi:  
Think how you'll glow  
When the last curtain flies!  
So let your song once more rise!  
  
Tomoe:  
These fools, to have ignored his warnings.  
  
Sano:  
I'll bet, for his sake-  
  
Misao *_at the same time_*:  
He's going to strike back-  
  
Aoshi and Shishio:  
There's bound to be situations worse than this.  
  
Tomoe:  
Think, before these...  
  
Sano *_at the same time_*:  
I must see these...  
  
Misao *_at the same time as well_*:  
- if his threats and...  
  
All three:  
... demands are rejected!  
  
Aoshi and Shishio:  
Who'd believe a geisha  
Glad to relieve a lowly girl  
Who's gone and slept with the daimyo?  
  
_(Sano turns bright red.)  
_  
Sano *_spluttering_*: Now wait just a minute-!  
  
Aoshi and Shishio *_ignoring him and nodding in agreement_*:  
Silly violent brat  
Loud aristocrat  
Although they may deny,  
We know it is a lie!  
  
Misao and Sano *_who is still glaring at the managers_*:  
Kaoru must be protected!  
  
_(Megumi is still singing unintelligible ramblings of her greatness. The rest of the cast ignores her, for the most part.)  
_  
Aoshi and Shishio *_moving on_*:  
We'd never had to deal  
With all this great appeal  
If we had bought the ship  
And followed Hoji's tip  
But now the deed is done, and so  
Make the most of it!  
  
Sano *_smirking as if they've already won_*:  
We'll win his dice!  
  
Tomoe *_shaking her head_*:  
His dice are set to always let him win.  
  
Sano *_ignoring her warning_*:  
And at Table Five, I'll challenge him!  
  
Tomoe:  
And if you cause him to curse this...  
  
Misao *_shivering_*:  
But if he has now cursed this...  
  
Aoshi and Shishio *_turning back to Megumi_*:  
Shoujo diva,  
We listen by your seat!  
The lines are drawn  
And people fawn  
To be greeted!  
  
Shishio *_muttering_*: Why, I have _no_ idea...  
  
Megumi *_singing over him_*:  
The stress that falls on the famous shoujo diva!  
Jealousy, spite,  
Girls whose skills are trite!  
One must tolerate  
The looks of those who hate  
To be second to me!  
  
Tomoe and Misao *_both looking warily at Sano and the managers_*:  
... the night will not go well...  
  
Sano:  
Kaoru as the peasant,  
Megumi as the Empress...  
  
Tomoe:  
If you dare to -  
  
Misao *_at the same time_*:  
When you all will -  
  
All:  
Light up the stage  
Before the night has waned!  
Sing, shoujo diva, again!  
  
Battousai *_from above, his voice echoing through the building, yet ignored or unheard by those below_*: So, it is to be war between us! If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imaginations will occur!  
  
All:  
Again!  
  
~*~  
  
Scene 8 - End  
  
~*~  
  
Waaa-! Make it go away! The whole summer gone, and only one scene written. I feel so slow. Well, I suppose it could be worse... at least I got it done, ^_~  
  
I don't like writing scenes like these, mostly because the effect is lost if you can't _hear_ it. Especially when everyone is singing at once... oi. But it's a challenge... I recommend you do what I do: listen to the soundtrack if you have it, or sing along, ^_^ I can slowly hear it come to life when I do it. Weird, but... *shrug*  
  
"Shoujo Diva" is of course my play on Prima Donna... for those who don't know, it means a young female performer. Well, that's what it's supposed to mean. Putting the two together sounds sort of odd, however...  
  
On another note, I read the Phantom of the Opera novel, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Interestingly enough, I found out that the Phantom (Erik) had yellow eyes, which made the choice of Battousai even more fitting, ^_^  
  
Cast List:  
  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Carlotta: Megumi  
Meg: Misao  
Mme. Giry: Tomoe  
Phantom: Battousai

~*~

Reviewer Responses:

**Chiisuta**: Eep, gomen. But I meant less in reality and more in this fic. *shrug* well, what can you do...  
  
**Mewberries**: Well, I'd much rather listen to Kaoru than Megumi... to be perfectly honest... just as I preferred Christine over Carlotta, ^_^  
  
**haku baikou**: I hope I didn't disappoint! *hides in the corner upon hearing that MORE people have it memorized* Actually, I'm slowly memorizing it as well. It's scary.  
  
**Shadowfax**: I did indeed, ^_^ Thanks so much for all your comments. I have a well-worn Phantom tape, too... one of these days I just know it's going to fall apart, and I think I'll just _die_ when it does...  
  
**EK**: I'm glad you think so. My beta reader is way too picky. ^_^  
  
**Negaprion**: Hm, well someday I'll get around to watching Yu Yu Hakusho. I'm reading the manga right now, so hopefull Hiei will show up sometime soon, ^_^  
  
More coming soon!


	13. Act I, scene ix: The Performance

I'm REALLY REALLY sorry about the delay everyone! I'll try to do better next time... -_-;;  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 9: The Performance  
  
(_Aoiya Teahouse, 1881_)  
  
  
~*~  
  
(_The teahouse is full for the opening night of "Ryu-sama". Aoshi and Shishio are heading for their table near the back of the teahouse, to watch the patrons, while Sanosuke follows them, eyeing their surroundings and searching for any suspicious faces._)  
  
Sano: I still don't like this. I'm gonna go sit at Table Five.  
  
Aoshi *_raising an eyebrow_*: I don't believe that is a wise course of action.  
  
Sano *_grinning_*: Well unless you want me to sit with you guys again-  
  
Shishio: Oh by all means, get yourself killed. Just don't sit here.  
  
Sano: Table Five it is then!  
  
(He sits down at the empty corner table just as the curtains are drawn aside, revealing the stage decorated as a palace in 14th century Japan. There is an elegantly made futon in center-stage. Megumi, dressed as the Empress, stands hidden behind a curtain with Kaoru as the Peasant. Kaoru is disguised as a lady-in-waiting.  
  
In center stage, there are two men standing together. One is Chou, the Hairdresser; the other is Arai Seiku, the Jeweler. They, and Tae dressed as an older woman - who is the Empress' nanny - are talking quietly together. Misao is the Jeweler's attendant.)  
  
Nanny [Tae]:  
They say that this youth  
Has set the lady's heart aflame!  
  
Hairdresser [Chou]:  
Ryu-sama'd surely die of shock!  
  
Jeweller [Seiku]:  
Ryu-sama is a laughing stock!  
  
Nanny:  
Should he suspect her,  
Who'll protect her?  
  
All Three:  
Shame! Shame! Shame!  
This faithless lady's  
Bound for Hades!  
Shame! Shame! Shame!  
  
(_The curtain draws aside and reveals Megumi standing in front of Kaoru, kissing her passionately_.)  
  
Megumi *_in a whisper_*: Breathe a word of this off-stage and I'll slap you to China.  
  
Kaoru: .....  
  
_(The lights fall to the managers at their table, watching the performance with grim victory.)_  
  
Aoshi: This is quite memorable.  
  
Shishio: ... for a play.  
  
Aoshi: The old singers...  
  
Shishio *_smirking_*: The full audience.  
  
Aoshi: Yes, that of course...  
  
Shishio: I'm not seeing any disasters.  
  
(_He continues to smirk. They both look briefly at Table 5, where Sano raises a sake glass to them and gulps it down with a grin._)  
  
Megumi *_to Kaoru_*: Shirosama, your disguise is perfect.  
  
(_A knock at the door_.)  
  
Who is that, now?  
  
Ryu-sama *_from outside_*: Come, woman, let in your husband!  
  
(_Megumi steps away from Kaoru and opens the door. Kanryuu enters, hunched and dressed as an old man in the extravagant clothes of an emperor._)  
  
Ryuu-sama [Kanryuu]: Darling!  
  
(He runs forward to hug her, but is swatted away. He quickly regains his composure and continues.)  
  
Ryuu-sama: I am leaving today for Edo on affairs of State, and must leave you in the care of your ladies. *_smiles leeringly_* Though I'd happily take them with me...  
  
Megumi *_aside_*: The old fool is leaving!  
  
Ryuu-sama *_aside_*: I suspect my lady wife is untrue to me. I shall not leave, but shall hide over there to observe her! *_to the Empress_* Ja ne!  
  
Megumi: Ja ne!  
  
Both *_to each other_*: Ja ne already!  
  
(_Ryuu-sama turns and walks away, then darts around and hides behind a curtain. Megumi goes back to Kaoru._)  
  
Megumi:  
Shirosama, away with this pretense!  
  
(_She tears away Kaoru's kimono to reveal her hakama._)  
  
You cannot speak,  
But kiss me in my husband's absence!  
  
(_She smirks knowingly, covering her mouth with the back of her hand._)  
  
Poor fool, he makes me laugh!  
Oh ho ho ho ho ho!  
  
(_Kaoru slowly edges away as kitsune ears appear on Megumi's head. Megumi doesn't hesitate and continues her laughter._)  
  
Oh ho ho ho ho ho!  
It's time I tried to get a better, better half!  
  
(_Megumi is joined by a chorus of servants who look somewhat bored._)  
  
Megumi and chorus:  
Poor fool, he doesn't know!  
Oh ho ho ho ho ho!  
  
(_Even the servants edge away from Megumi as she laughs alone, and she glares at them until they join her again._)  
  
If he knew the truth he'd never ever go!  
  
(_Suddenly Battousai's voice echoes through the teahouse, halting the performance._)  
  
Battousai *_outraged_*: Did I not instruct that Table Five was to be kept empty?  
  
Misao *_pulling a kunai out of her servant-girl uniform_*: He's here! Battousai of the Teahouse!  
  
(_The crowd stirs in confusion and alarm. Kaoru looks around fearfully._)  
  
Kaoru *_in a quiet voice_*: It's him... I know it, it's him!  
  
Megumi *_whirling around_*: Your part is silent, little tanuki!  
  
Battousai *_his voice still echoing from above_*: A tanuki, miss? I do prefer the tanuki to the fox.  
  
(_The teahouse crowd is still uneasy. Megumi, growing more angry every moment, signals Saitou to rollback and try the scene again._)  
  
Megumi *_to Kaoru_*:  
Shirosama, away with this pretense!  
  
_(Kaoru hastily pulls the kimono back up so Megumi can rip it off again._)  
  
You cannot speak,  
But kiss me in my-  
  
(_Suddenly instead of singing, Megumi lets out a loud 'yip', much like a dog. She halts immediately, staring out at the crowd with wide eyes. They stare back. Quiet laughter filters through the ceiling, unnerving everyone further, but Megumi recovers and tries again._)  
  
Megumi:  
Poor fool, he makes me laugh!  
Oh ho ho ho - yip! Yip!  
  
(_No matter how much she tries, Megumi's voice can do nothing but bark. The laughter rises to echo throughout the teahouse. Aoshi and Shishio stand up at their table, outraged._)  
  
Battousai: Behold! She is singing to bring down the centerpiece!  
  
(_Suspicious of the previous disaster, Aoshi and Shishio look above the stage to where the oil lantern is hung. The flame is flickering, as if blown by an unknown wind._)  
  
Megumi *_shaking her head_*: No, no... I can't go on... I'm done with this!  
  
Kanryuu *_rushing over to her_*: Megumi-chan, it's all right... I'm here now, it's-  
  
(_Megumi smacks him away and rushes off stage. He follows quickly behind._)  
  
(_Aoshi and Shishio exchange a long-suffering look, and after a moment Aoshi approaches the stage to deal with the uneasy audience._)  
  
Aoshi: Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will continue in ten minutes time...  
  
(_He looks over towards Table Five, where Shishio has kicked Sano out of the chair._)  
  
Aoshi: ... when the role of the Empress will be played by Miss Kamiya Kaoru.  
  
(_The lantern above slowly returns to normal._)  
  
Aoshi *_continuing more confidently_*: In the meantime, we shall now give you the dance from Act Three of tonight's show. *_waves a hand to Saitou_* Bring the dance forward.  
  
(_There is no reaction. After a moment of silence, Aoshi glances over and finds Saitou smoking in the corner._)  
  
Aoshi *_VERY slightly irritated_*: Excuse me. The dancers?  
  
Saitou *_putting out the cigarette_*: Yare yare. *_muttering_* Waste of a good smoke...  
  
(_Aoshi leaves the stage and meets Shishio and a fuming Sano back at their table, as the dancers filter nervously into the stage. They begin their elaborate dance. All are ignorant of the ominous shadows appearing beyond the shoji walls; only Misao notices them and dances out of step. As the dance continues, a huge shadow suddenly appears and a figure falls through the rice paper, landing among the dancers. They scream and jump away, then suddenly realize: the figure is Enishi, strangled to death, and with a sword wound through his heart. Chaos flies through the teahouse as everyone begins to stand and rush for the door._)  
  
Kaoru *_eyes fearful_*: Sano! Sano!  
  
(_Sano leaps over several tables and jumps onto the stage, grabbing her hand._)  
  
Sano: Jou-chan, come with me!  
  
Kaoru: No, to the roof! We'll be safe there!  
  
(_They hurry off, as Aoshi and Shishio hurry to the stage to deal with the panic-stricken audience._)  
  
Aoshi *_calm as ever, eyeing his surroundings suspiciously_*: Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do not panic, it was merely an accident...  
  
(_The audience ignores his words, as the lantern above begins to flicker once again..._)  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Um... yeah. Delayed once again... I totally couldn't think of what to say in this one... *sweatdrop* That's why a lot of lines weren't changed. I'm sorry, everyone!  
  
I think the biggest issue for me was finding another name for "Serafimo"! I couldn't think of a single thing, honestly... it was very uncool... Shirosama was finally chosen because it was the closest name I could find, and I liked the sound of it.  
  
I did my best to use puns for all the background cast. Chou is the Hairdresser because - well, everyone KNOWS why, :P Seiku is the Jeweller because he works with metal. Misao is the attendant because she liked to bug Seiku for some reason, ^_^  
  
Megumi's "slap you to China" joke is just for my sister. (Love you much, neechan!)  
  
I feel kind of badly for Enishi. I actually kind of liked him. Poor guy. And am I the only one who has a hard time visualizing Battousai laughing maniacally? ^_^;;  
  
  
Terms:  
  
"Ja ne" is of course a term of farewell. Basically translated as "see you".  
  
"Yare yare" is a sigh or a phrase of exasperation; much like "oh well".  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Phantom: Battousai  
Carlotta: Megumi  
Meg: Misao  
Piangi: Kanryuu  
Reyer: Saitou  
Firmin: Shishio  
Andre: Aoshi  
Buquet: Enishi  
  
Hairdresser: Chou  
Jeweller: Seiku  
Nanny: Tae  
Servants/dancers: Okon, Omasu, Tsubame, Kamatari  
  
~*~

Reviewer Responses:

**RurouniGochan**: Meh, no worries. And thanks for all your detailed comments, ^_^ *nods* In the Libretto I have, Firmin actually corrects himself by saying "Written", but I thought it would be better for Aoshi to do it, :P You can find a Libretto online pretty easily, if you want to follow along.  
  
**Mewberries**: Well you know Shishio, he never misses a chance to one-up someone, ^_~  
  
**Jaid Skywalker**: I sort of wish I had cast Hiko as someone else so I could have him make another appearance, ^_^;; He's fun to work with.  
  
**haku baikou**: I've always thought of Shishio as someone sort of like Saitou - if someone is easily mocked, he mocks. I don't know... but that is how I saw him at times, ^_^  
  
**Shadowfax**: I feel brutally punished by that thoroughly long, rambling review. Please, punish more. I was amused. ^____^ I suppose Misao was Meg because she's a ninja and can sneak around if she likes... but mostly because the part fit.  
  
**EK**: *nods* Honestly, when I got to the end I just wanted to cry. I felt so badly for him... I wish I could write it like that.  
**  
I WANT KENSHIN**: *quietly points to Scene 3 then tiptoes away*

  
  
More coming... er... soon?


	14. Act I Scene x: All I Ask of You

Diclaimer: RK = Watsuki's. Watsuki = not me. Therefore, RK = not mine.

AN: Eh heh heh, another dramatic moment slaughtered by yours truly. *takes a deep bow* Enjoy!

~*~

Battousai of the Teahouse  
Akai Kitsune  
  
~*~  
  
Act I - Scene 10: All I Ask of You  
  
(Aoiya Teahouse, 1881)  
  
~*~  
  
_(On the roof of the teahouse, Kaoru and Sano suddenly climb up. Kaoru is nervous and watchful for anything that might lay in wait, and Sano looks exasperated.)_  
  
Sano:  
Why did you bring us here?  
  
Kaoru *_abruptly_*:  
Don't take me back there!  
  
Sano:  
We should go back...  
  
Kaoru:  
His eyes will find me there...  
  
Sano *_rolling his eyes_*:  
Aw, geez, don't say that-  
  
Kaoru *_whirling around, furious_*:  
You want a smack?!  
  
Sano *_wary_*:  
Don't even think it...  
  
Kaoru *_moving on again_*:  
And if he has to kill a thousand men -  
  
Sano:  
Will you forget about this guy?  
  
Kaoru:  
Battousai of the Tea-e-house will kill and kill again!  
  
_(Silence.)_  
  
Kaoru: Uh... your line?  
  
Sano: .... Tea-e-house?  
  
Kaoru: SHUT UP!  
  
Sano: Okay! Okay! There's no Battousai of the Teahouse!  
  
Kaoru:  
My god, who is this man...  
  
Sano *_thinking to himself_*:  
My god, who is this guy...  
  
Kaoru:  
... who hunts to kill?  
  
Sano:  
... this "mask of death"? *_snort_*  
  
Kaoru *_shivering_*:  
I can't escape from him...  
  
Sano:  
What's with this voice she hears...  
  
Kaoru *_despairing_*:  
... I never will!  
  
Sano:  
... with every breath?  
  
Both *_together_*:  
And in this labyrinth  
Where night is blind  
Battousai of the Tea-e-house is here -  
  
Kaoru:  
Inside my mind...  
  
Sano *_at the same time_*:  
Inside your mind... *turning to her* There IS no... what?  
  
Kaoru *_smirking_*: Tea-e-house?  
  
Sano: ......  
  
Kaoru:  
Sano, I went there -  
To his realm of unending night...  
To a world where the daylight dissolves into darkness...  
... darkness...  
  
_(Sano groans and buries his face in one hand, sitting down on the roof. Kaoru glares at him.)  
_  
Sano, I saw him!  
Can I ever forget that sight?  
Can I ever escape from that face...  
So fierce and so scarred-!  
He was hardly a friend  
In that darkness...  
... darkness...  
  
_(Kaoru stares out into the star-filled sky, trance-like. Sano looks up to watch her.)  
_  
But his words filled my spirit  
With a strange, sweet song  
In that night there was music in my mind...  
And through music my soul began to soar!  
And I heard as I'd never heard before...  
  
Sano *_standing up_*:  
What you heard was a dream  
And nothing more!  
  
Kaoru *_her voice thoughtful_*:  
Yet in his eyes, all the sadness in the world...  
Those golden eyes  
That both threaten and adore...  
  
Sano *_moving towards her, eyes worried_*:  
Kaoru... oi, Kaoru...  
  
Battousai *_his voice a haunting echo of Sano's_*:  
Kaoru...  
  
Kaoru *_startled_*: What was that?  
  
_(A moment of silence passes, and Sano and Kaoru's eyes meet. Sano gulps, then puts his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.)  
_  
Sano:  
Don't you speak of darkness  
Forget these stupid fears!  
I'm here,  
Nothing will hurt you  
My words will... er... ca... um...  
  
Kaoru: Warm? Calm?  
  
Sano: .... yeah. That.  
  
Kaoru: You're not very good at this, are you.  
  
Sano: Shut up...  
  
Battousai *_sneezing quietly from his unknown hiding spot_*: Can you guys speed it up a bit...? It's sort of dusty here...  
  
Sano *_bright red_*:  
Let me be your freedom  
Let daylight dry your tears  
I'm here,  
With you, beside you,  
To guard you from that jerk below!  
  
Kaoru *_stepping on his foot_*: Stick to the script, baka.  
  
Sano *_wincing_*: Ouch!  
  
Kaoru *_taking hold of his hand, making him halt_*:  
Say you love me every waking moment...  
Turn my head with talk of summertime...  
  
Say you need me with you,  
Now and always...  
Promise me that all you say is true -  
That's all I ask of you...  
  
Sano: Demanding, aren't we?  
  
Kaoru: SANO!  
  
Sano: Yeah, yeah...  
  
Let me be your shelter,  
Let me be your light...  
You're safe;  
No one will find you  
Your fears should be behind you -  
  
Kaoru:  
All I want is freedom,  
A world with no more night...  
And you, always beside me,  
To hold me and to hide me...  
  
_(She draws closer, hugging him tightly. Sano jumps and blushes madly.)  
_  
Sano *_muttering_*: Oh I am SO going to die for this...  
  
Then say you'll share with me  
One love, one lifetime...  
Let me lead you from your solitude...  
  
Say you need me with you,  
Here, beside you...  
Anywhere you go, let me go too -  
Jou-chan,  
That's all I ask of you...  
  
Kaoru *_happily_*:  
Say you'll share with me  
One love, one lifetime...  
Say the word, and I will follow you...  
  
Together:  
Share each day with me  
Each night, each morning...  
  
Kaoru:  
Say you love me -  
  
Sano *_interrupting_*:  
No - *_adding hastily at her glare_* I do!  
  
Together:  
Love me...  
That's all I ask of you...  
  
_(They stand there, quiet for a long moment, until Kaoru finally pulls his face towards her and kisses him. When they pull away, both are bright red.)  
_  
Both *_mumbling_*:  
Anywhere you go, let me go too...  
Love me -  
That's all I ask of you...  
  
_(They pull away, shy, as the mood alters once again. Sano stuffs his hands in his pockets, whistling softly to himself.)  
_  
Sano *_muttering_*: Who's the man, Sagara... who's the man...  
  
Kaoru: What's that?  
  
Sano: Nuthin'!  
  
Kaoru *_letting it fly_*:  
I must go -  
They'll wonder where I am...  
Wait for me, ne?  
  
Sano: Jou-chan! I, um... *_under his breath_* ... love you, you know?  
  
Kaoru *_smiling knowingly_*:  
Order your fine horses  
Be with them at the gate!  
  
Sano:  
And soon, you'll be beside me!  
  
Kaoru:  
You'll guard me and you'll guide me!  
  
_(They grasp each others' hands and hurry off the roof. After a long moment a section of the roof lifts and Battousai climbs up, settling himself in a sitting crouch at the very top. He sighs sadly, looking up at the stars.)  
_  
Battousai *_in a whisper_*:  
I gave you new music...  
Made your soul take wing...  
And now, how you've repaid me,  
Denied me and betrayed me...  
  
He was bound to love you  
When he heard you sing...  
  
_(His voice chokes.)  
_  
Kaoru... Kaoru...  
  
Kaoru and Sano *_in the distance, quietly_*:  
Say you'll share with me  
One love, one lifetime...  
Say the word, and I will follow you...  
  
Share each day with me  
Each night, each morning...  
  
Battousai *_standing up, fists clenched at his sides_*:  
You'll regret the day you did not do  
All that Battousai asked of you!  
  
_(With a flash of his cloak, he disappears, following Kaoru and Sano down towards the main stage of the teahouse. After a few moments, the curtains part and Kaoru appears onstage wearing Megumi's costume. She looks nervously out at the audience, which waits impatiently for the continuation of the play. Before either the music or Kaoru can begin, the lantern above her flickers once again and suddenly falls, the elaborate decorations around it bursting into flames.)  
_  
Battousai *_in a hurt, angry voice, shouting from above_*:  
GO-!  
  
_(The lantern crashes at Kaoru's feet, breaking into hundreds of pieces as she watches in horror and fear.)  
_   
~*~  
  
END OF ACT I  
  
~*~  
  
Well that didn't take long at all, ^_^;; *dodges tomatoes*  
  
Sano's "No - I do!" comment is exactly what I thought Raoul said for the longest time, and it baffled me. Finally I read the Libretto, and found out he actually said "You know I do"... but by then I was thinking that Sano was more likely to see what buttons he could press to get Kaoru angry, ^_^ So I left it.  
  
Cast List:  
  
Christine: Kaoru  
Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny: Sanosuke  
Phantom: Battousai

~*~

Reviewer Responses:

**LadyShiin**: Well the main reason for the "yip" was Battousai's comment on Megumi being a fox, ^_^ If you've ever heard a fox bark, they're very "yippy" as I like to say.  
  
**Shadowfax**: I should. I feel terrible, really I do. ^_^;; But my muse was on vacation from pretty much everything. I think I've finally beaten her into submission, so maybe now she'll work with me.  
  
**EEevee**: It amuses me how you can say "poor Enishi" and "oh well" in the same sentence, :P However, you're exactly right... oh well!  
  
**EK**: Well, the tanuki/fox reference was mostly to show that I can still alter stuff, ^_^;;  
  
**Mewberries**: When I first read that Saitou's role hesitated before sending out the dancers, I couldn't resist. Saitou never waits around for something he knows might not happen, ^_^  
  
**Chiisuta**: Yeah, I always sort of liked Enishi, even though he was a bit of a psycho. So that was a difficult part for me... however, it's just a parody, and it's supposed to be funny. So maybe he'll make a cameo or something. *smirk*  
  
More coming soon!


End file.
